bluemoon5 Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Hi,today was tough. I have had a lot of sickness lately and some issues with work, yesterday I sent a impulsive email questioning my manager in an offensive manner and she told me it was unacceptable behaviour, which is was.After all these years I am still doing this. I am lucky that my intelligence and the majority of my behaviour compensates for these angry outbursts. But it has got me near to disciplinary quite a few times. It hasn't lessened as I have got older even after doing it over and over again. I just haven't learnt or found a technique that works.I know I should count to ten, step back but when seriously stressed for a few weeks something else takes control and I don't even think about stopping just act.I do forgive myself nowadays as I know is a personality trait, which I am trying to change. I am so lucky I haven't got in more trouble at work and I know a few nasty works isn't as bad as some things I could be doing impulsively.However, these nasty angry outbursts have basically destroyed so many friendships family relationships contacts and any chance of a relationship.anyone have similar experiences? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Hi bluemoon I have anger issues at times too and have also had outbursts at work. I just can't help myself and like you describe, it is a sudden all-consuming rage which it feels like I can't control. I have experienced it for years now, like you and I was so glad when I discovered it was a feature of my bpd after that was diagnosed. I just couldn't understand why I got so angry and other people didn't. Yes, we could be doing worse things than exchanging a few nasty words but speaking out of turn does have it's own problems and shouldn't be dismissed as an issue. Last time I was inappropriately angry I had to apologise to my boss in the days afterwards but I also told the hr manager (who was at the meeting where I got 'cross') that I struggled with anger at times as part of my mental health issues. She listened and we discussed my actions and how it impacted on other people which was useful as she understood and me my symptoms better too. I am lucky that I have at least one person on my side but yes it has impacte don friends and family etc in the past. Next week I start a brand new job and am worried about how I will control my temper there when it no doubt appears in the future. Still, one thing at a time... Hope it helps to know that you are not alone even if I have no useful advice, sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Yes, sometimes I do that but try not to do at work. Have failed a couple of times though.... I think that you said the most important thing and that is self compassion and self forgiveness. This is crucial to change it. It's a mental hug that we give to us every time we screw up. Hugs dear blueemoon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Hi blue moon i struggle with this too although i don't work i couldn't i would be sacked. I smash things and i cant seem to control my reactions my mouth is open and I've spoken before I've even thought about what I'm saying and it doesn't matter who it is. Just tonight I've fallen out with lifeline its a support line i cant cope with them taking me wrong all the time. People in shops too and my partners brother I've no idea how to change it though and I'm glad your being more understanding of that's how you are xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 I am glad you can forgive yourself and see that you are doing your best. Maybe you need something with you to remind to count to ten or not do anything imidiate, like a bracelet that says breathe or something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon5 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Hummm I guess I am not being honest with myself. I am really depressed, have not turned up for work nor told anyone coz that requires me talking to somene there. But doing something about this like going to gp is too hard physically and emotionally. I just want to stay in bed and hide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 (((bluemoon))) I'm sorry it's so hard at the moment bluemoon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afrika2015 Posted February 27, 2015 Report Share Posted February 27, 2015 Yep, I have similar experiences. I once called my manager a dictator to her face. I am a lot better nowadays though as my BPD is a lot better. Also, I get along great with everyone around me. I really hated that job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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