Eagleheart Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 That's it,really. I've tried to contribute to a couple of threads. I posted something for a particular member,thinking it would give them comfort. What the f**k is going on? Is there some conspiracy going on,where i am treated as non existant? Jesus christ.Does no one give a shit? I am dying here. But hey,who gives a f**k. Message received,loud and clear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Gosh, I am sorry you feel like that eagle. I hope I haven't inadvertently made you feel bad, apologies if so. It is very quiet around here at the moment. I am finding that quite hard too - I get that people have their own lives but if you happen to need support when it's a quiet spell it can feel like no-one cares. Hugs to you, you definitely matter to me xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted February 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Thank you hun. Sorry for my outburst. Just feel hurt when my posts go unnoticed or overlooked & want to be honest & authentic. So even though my post was a bit mean,I was just expressing how I felt. Damn,this fucking BPD shit is a major pain in the ass. Thanks for responding.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Eagleheart i seem to also be a little caught up in my bpd lately. In the forum i mean. And if the receiver also has bpd... not a good combination hey? :-) It's hard at times as we can trigger each other, play roles for one another, and this is why we have to be really easy when things don't go as we wish. We know that most probably is no one's fault but powerful forces that play without us even knowing at times, as much as we try to be aware of them. Maybe don't take it personally as we all are a little too sensitive and it's not always easy to not feel attacked, or to reply when one is low, or hurt, or distracted. I believe that we ultimately care a lot for one another but our patterns are also played out in here. Unfortunately. But this is us. And it's ok. Hugs eagle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon5 Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 hi, haven't got the right words today but wanted to say something to give some reassurance that yiu are important x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted February 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Karaindrou,you are so spot on & in my heart,I knew that but I couldn't help having a tantrum. I hate that part of myself & usually manage to suppress my huffy urges but my life is seriously on its knees. I am very very unwell physically on top of being more emotionally fragile than I can ever remember. I am housebound & alone most of the time & all I have are my cats & my seriously fucked up brain. Blue moon,I really appreciate you posting. It means a lot that you did it even though you are struggling. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 eagleheart as far as i am concerned it's alright to have a rant. If there is one thing good about this forum is that we can be honest and still accepted. But you are saying that you are feeling even more fragile and vulnerable than you usually do and that is very important. You too are more sensitive. And you're alone, feeling so raw both physically and mentally. No wonder you feel like that. Is there anything you can do, that is soothing and reassuring that you can do, like call a friend or husband, watch something to distract you, curl up with a nice music... ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Dear eagleheart, i'd like to read what you're going to post but i have to go to sleep. I'm sorry that I have to leave. Please take good care of yourself and i hope that you can sleep. Hugs eagleheart. (((eagleheart))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted February 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 You have a beautiful heart karaindrou & I thank you for treating me so thoughtfully. Please sleep deep & peacefully. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Well if anywhere there is a place where you can let these feelings out its here. Even when we know we may be a bit irrational it can still be a genuine expression of some underlaying pain we are dealing with and for that I am sorry, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and are feeling very lonely. Please know we are always here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 huge hugs eagle. Sorry you feel this way. We do care even if the posts go unanswered for a bit. i usually try to respond to your threads when i Can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 i also get anxious if my posts get overlooked as well so your not alone eagle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 I read a large portion of the posts but I only respond to about 10% of the ones I read, its not that I don't care or don't feel for the person posting but more often than not it is because I am struggling myself and I can't find the words, it upsets me that I can't help other people and I wish I was functioning better in order to be able to cope and offer some real support, I know that it sucks if you feel you aren't heard or that nobody has bothered to reply, I am sorry if I've read a post of yours and not replied, its not my intention to do that, just sometimes happens, you are valued and cared about though, *Hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 we support when we can we often feel just like you are saying in first post we have sometimes made similar threads to this one when the feelings of rejection and isolation consume us when the knowledge that we are hated and rejected and judged - becomes our reality so yes we know and understand the urges/needs/fears/anger etc but we hate seeing threads like this - that is not personal about you please don't think it is very far from it but we don't reply because they make us angry YET WE KNOW WE DO EXACTLY THE SAME just wanted to be honest about what happens in us even now right now today we have come onto this 'safe place' and we feel rejected people who used to interact with us completely blank us people might reply to many but not to us we feel angry rejected hated yet today for some reason we don't feel compelled to post a thread about it later we might or another day and yet we hate it we don't want to be like this but it gets so painful sometimes doesn't it it gets to boiling point inside and just explodes out onto the page don't even know why we really wrote this it doesn't help you and it doesn't help us sorry xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted February 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Walker. You have no idea how much I value your post. I was worried as soon as I posted the topic that it could be very hurtful to some. It was in no way meant as an attack on any one individual. Despite what you think,your post is very helpful to me. I may neglect to respond,but I always read your posts because I find your emotional honesty so helpful. Please know that I am sorry that this thread may have triggered you. And thank you for your honesty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted February 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Lily,Maddy & Bobulator,you are all so nice to have responded. I am feeling ashamed today for my original post. It was childish & selfish & done impulsively. At the same time, I'm glad I decided to be honest. I spend my life lying to people. The biggest lie I tell is "I am fine". I do it to protect others from my sick,depraved mind but also because when people ask me how I am,they actually do NOT want an honest answer. Anyway,I've lost my chain of thought so I will stop waffling. Thanks again for helping me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 I'm very pleased that you can combat your embarrassment. As bobulator and maddy said I also feel like you felt yesterday, at times. I find it very interesting how insecurities get played out in here. If I post then I can check for a reply compulsively i must say. If no one replies my insecurity and self-loathing can feel very bad. Or if someone I reply to doesn't reply to me, or if someone finds it hard to forgive me if I said something that hurt them.... All of it is food for thought so to speak. And food for post :-) Big hug eagle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 I'm very pleased that you can combat your embarrassment. As bobulator and maddy said I also feel like you felt yesterday, at times. I find it very interesting how insecurities get played out in here. If I post then I can check for a reply compulsively i must say. If no one replies my insecurity and self-loathing can feel very bad. Or if someone I reply to doesn't reply to me, or if someone finds it hard to forgive me if I said something that hurt them.... All of it is food for thought so to speak. And food for post :-) Big hug eagle. I feel this to extremes If i post a topic I come back and look for replies, I get really hurt if nobody replies, but more than that, even if someone has replied I'll look at another topic and see it has 10 replies and wonder why mine only got 1, I come back the next day and see the one which had 10 has gone to 20 and mine has gone up to 3, I get upset thinking why does nobody care? why am i so unpopular. its horrible to feel that way when I know nobody is deliberately ignoring me or secluding me, but its easy to be hurt because we are already feeling low about whatever we originally posted about. that is why I TRY really hard to post on peoples threads even when I have nothing to say, I am making an effort to at least acknowledge the person is suffering and offer some comfort even if no real words form, just so people I really do care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 yes yes bobulator same just the same we seem to have so many expectations here and in rl only we don't usually know most of them until they are not being met and suddenly they flood into our head it happens virtually every bloody day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 I think that it's great that we can talk about this as it can create so much anxiety. It's great that we can be honest and caring even though we don't get it right or get it really wrong, or get nothing at all. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted February 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 I'm so interested to read all your views. I know my initial mssg was clumsy & rude. I knew it would be upsetting but actually,it's opened up a good conversation about speaking honestly & learning not to react defensively. I know I have learned a lot from your replies & really want to thank everyone for their input. Stay safe & keep talking. Xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 27, 2015 Report Share Posted February 27, 2015 I wanted to thank you again eagleheart but didn't want to put you on the spot again :-) Well, thank you for opening this conversation. Very useful and very interesting. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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