Charlie1986 Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 I'm terrified. My head is all over the place. I've never seen this one before but I'm desperate to feel more levelled out so I'm going. I'm angry because my girlfriend took the day off work to come with me at the last minute. I didn't ask her too but I apprcieate that it was meant to be a nice gesture because she knows I'm scared. I beat the paranoia this time that's telling me she's tryna stop me getting help or she's gonna tell them I need locking up. I hate that i even think like that. She will wait outside for me I've told her I don't want her to see or hear anything. I am on edge. I'm scared they will say I'm ok and there is nothing going on inside me or they will just slap the depression label on me and be done with it. The mental health practioner who refered me suggested that she believes emotionally unstable personality disorder is the cause of my thinking and that anti depressants aren't right for me but a mood stabiliser in a low does might be to take the edge off my anger. All I know is back when I was a teenager it was a different kind of crazy too now. It felt hopeless and desperate back then now it feels explosive and evil. I watched a program last night that said kids brains don't fully develop till 23-24. I think back to when my new set of problems strated and it was just after I turned 25 or they became more visible I should say. Maybe there is something in that. I don't know what to expect. I just don't want to be sent away with no hope. Arghhhh. Hate doctors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palladian Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 I hate doctors too I also hate the paranoia I feel about people I'm close to or rather would like to be close to. I always think someone is going to lock me up or is conspiring against me - all the time. Its interesting I was a teenager, but now 40 I feel a lot of disorientation, anger and pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon5 Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 hate doctors too, hope it went ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie1986 Posted February 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 Hi guys, It went ok I think I don't know. I'm kinda detached. I think I was diagnosed with BPD. The psychiatrist said that's what he thinks is wrong and that I need specialist therapy which he is refering me too. He has created a plan and we have picked MBT as the therapy because the other two choices didn't suit me. I'm also going on a mood stabiliser but it have no idea which one he said. I dissociated a little when I was there. I was on edge and the appointment overan by 30 minutes so I'm not sure what it means but if I'm being refered and being medicated when my GP receives his recommendations that means I'm diagnosed doesn't it? I'm kinda torn. I hate that everything I thought was wrong is wrong because now it's a real problem but then I think now I have a tangible thing I can work with and work on. All my life I've felt invalidated and accused of manipulation and as a result never received the help I've needed. I'm angry at being weak and not better but relieved I've finally been listened too and I'm not just evil. I mean I a feel evil but I don't mean to hurt people or overreact. Im exhausted to be fair. My girlfriend thinks I should tell my mum but I don't know what that will achieve. In a weird mood :/. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.