Made The Jump.

[Charlie1986]

So today I sat an filled in my referral form with questions on why I wanted this therapy what happened in childhood if I ever abuse anything to help me cope. I felt very detached writing it. Writing about what I feel I need to work on and it was like no emotion there when writing it, like I was merely stating a fact.

I got a taxi down to the mental health unit I needed to drop it off at and once again the word inpatient freaked me out and set me into panic. It's seems to trigger me quite a lot. I'm terrified that starting this therapy will undo me completely but in a destructive way. I barley get by in life now. I pay my bills I hold down a full time job despite the pressure of my position and I've never called in sick once even when I've had genuine reason too. I for the most part manage a relationship but I only just manage to hold on.

What if this brings up massive things for me? I have never had psychotherapy in a psychodynamic approach. In fact learning about therapy in my degree I flat out wrote psychodynamic off as a non approach because I don't like the spotlight it puts on everything coming down to sexual desire and abuse.

Now I find myself heading headlong into therapy for a condition I didn't even think I had. I fit the criteria and coming here I thought I'd found answers and like minded souls to talk too and then it hit me this thing I didn't have I actually did and it's just hitting me.

I honestly convinced myself a diagnosis would help that I would have answers but now I feel cut up about it and I don't know why.

I gave the form in and came home I even rang the doctors to see if my medication request from the psych had reached them but it hasn't. Maybe now hes got my form he knows I'm serious and will fax it through that I'm not just trying to get medication from them that I'm trying to help myself.

I feel like I'm tailspinning at the minute. I had to hold myself back from throwing myself out the taxi into the road on the way home. It plagued me all the way home and the impulse to do it was so strong.

Why can't brains be simple.

[bluemoon5]

A massive step for you. been there before. but the first step is done x

[Partner79]

Well done you! Massive congratulations! I'm sure today was hard for you and I get you'll be scared of what's to come. I imagine unravelling you and the potential damage it could cause short term but try to remember you'll be doing it in a controlled environment with help at hand! Everyone is there to help you through and come out stronger than ever before! Xxxx

[jenny1471]

Hi

Well done on making that step.. how are things going now? Have you heard any more about the referral?

Just to say that psychodynamic isn't all about sexual desire etc. Of course Freud had his ideas about that, but present day psychodynamic therapists often don't work as pure Freudians.. I'm in psychodynamic therapy and it's not what the stereotypes suggest. For me it's been more about attachment.

Anyway, I hope that the therapy helps you and that there isn't too much of a wait to get started.

x