MischaD Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 Hi everyone, I'm having an awful day and I know you guys are the only ones who understand the pain. I feel like someone who is my best friend is trying to leave me out of everything, sabotage nice things that I am trying to plan etc. I feel that she is being really underhand and nasty when I've done nothing wrong. For a while now I had thought I was losing touch with reality and there were other reasons for her behaviour but today she has gone to other girls and totally changed a nice day out that I had planned. I was only tryibg to plan something nice and now she has ruined it. I got so upset that when I found out by text I started having a panic attack in the middle of a busy supermarket. I felt flashbacks of when I was badly bullied as a child, tied to a chair and beaten by supposed 'friends'. I had been having quite a good week as well and now I feel horrendous. Wanted to get these feelings out to stop me doing something to harm myself. Sorry if I have upset anyone but I didn't know where else to turn and putting things into words and acknowledging my feelings is one of my DBT strategies. Thanks to anyone who has got this far. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 have a huge hug from me, its horible struggling isn't it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thanks so much Maddy, just knowing people understand really helps. Though of course I wish no one had to understand... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm just sitting here typing this for something to distract me to stop myself doing something wrong, I have called the first crisis number for my area and there is no one there, I've left a message for someone to call me back but need to keep distracting, think I'll call breathing space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 Breathing spaces didn't open until 6 so I phoned the Samaritans for someone to speak to and to distract myself from my urges, was on the phone for half an hour and it has definitely helped me get to a point where I'm more back in control. I know I am rambling on here but feel I need to keep doing things and stay in control. Away to do a chain analysis......sorry for the running commentary it's just keeping me distracted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 i've been on here since 2012 and i'm still posting... all the people on here are really supportive... thats why i like this forum so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thanks Maddy. I have managed to get through the worst of today I hope. How is your day going? X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 my day has been a tiring one... was awake at 3 and havent had a nap, hope tomoro is a better day for me and you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 Aw sorry to hear that, lack of sleep just intensifies everything. Take care, I sure hope it is. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BPDBarbie Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 What is it that she has done? ask yourself is this person worth it? may it be possible that this person isn't a good friend? or maybe is it possible this person is having a bad day and reacting in such a fashion and it has nothing to do with you. keep in mind the company u keep, sometime people art worth it. Know this though you are a good friend, you are a nice person , and nothing she is doing can stop that. know this you have a friend in me and all of thiose on here we are here. <333 take some breaths go drink your favorite beverege a soda pop or whatever it may be and try to ground. ask yourself what u feel on ur skin i.e cloths rubbing against ur skin, feet on the floor, hand not he key pad. i hope it gets better. im always here. Love borderline barbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thanks Barbie for your wise words and support. It's a very long story and series of events but I agree that I need to re evaluate who I have around me. This person and I used to be so close and I feel she now takes me for granted and is very selfish. It is so true though that anytime anyone does something then I take it so personally and believe it must be because of me and my fault! I really do try to be a good person. My psychologist says that I put too much effort into trying to being a good person for others and so when they don't put in as much effort as I do then I am so upset and it makes me feel worthless and rejected. I am taking a step back from this person and focussing on people who value me. I don't need people in my life who make me feel worse than I already do. I just get so sad as we used to be so close and she was lovely to me. The lesson to learn from this I suppose is not to base my self worth on other people's validation and acceptance of me.........my huge aim in life. Just imagine how happy I'd be then. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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