Charlie1986 Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Hi guys, So I'm in work today, I've woke up an hour early but it's pointless going back to sleep. I had really strange dreams last night. There where lists of people who I asscoiated with in the past including who used to be my best friend in it. I ended up somewhere familiar but alien. It felt like a mix of lots of different places. At one point I was asked to try and get someone to take something to help them because they wouldn't. I'm covered in tattoos and have a big one on my chest of a heart made of cogs and a spanner stuck in them and two robots one evil and one good. After I tried to help this person something happened that they attacked me but not aggressively and when I had gone away from them I looked down and half my tattoo had disappeard. The side with the good robot on and left the bad side. My old best friend (who also suffered BPD) then demanded my time and that I needed to talk to her over something like she was trying to own me and my time. I've woken up and I feel like I've had part of my identity or what little identity I have managed to secure for myself stolen. The fact it was the good robot taken away makes it feel like the bad is taking over and I don't stand a chance. I hate feeling like this. I just feel like I'm jumping from crisis to crisis and I don't know what to do. I'm struggling with work. I've never wanted to not be there as much in my life. I'm just so exhausted and my body has finally started to say it's too much but I have bills to pay and a roof to keep over mine and my girlfreinds head. I try not to have a victim mentality. I don't like to feel entitled to feel bad and to just stop but it's so hard to keep going sometimes. People are aware of my diagnosis and I make a joke of it because if I don't it will destroy me. The only people I cant tell are what's left of my family. I don't know how. Sorry for the ranting post I'm just dioriented and trying to ground myself again. I wish I knew who I was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Really sorry to read of your experiences and distress through your dream and other aspects of your life. Are you getting any support or treatment with MH services at the moment? It's such a horrible feeling to not know who you are. Sending you love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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