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Hidden Feelings


Lilian95

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I started therapy late last year because I have generalised anxiety. Thing is for years i have always felt there was a little more to it than just anxiety. i have always been different and i was researching what it could have been and i found a "disorder" online that described exactly how i was feeling. I dont want to self diagnose nor do i want to mention it to my therapist incase he thinks I'm trying to do his job, i mean he is the professional. Also i want to tell him about my issues but discreetly. I am really not looking to be diagnosed, i just want to officially normalise it all because there seems to be no one like me and i am always putting on a act to make my life easier (my family are easily annoyed and it would make things harder if i didnt put on my exhausting happy go lucky personality). I just want him to know how i am feeling so i can reasured that it is all normal. It is all so complicated -- thats another reason im reluctant to talk. Any insight?

Dont have to read this bit but here are some of the thoughts and feeling want to discuss:

- Constant racing thoughts

- Distrust and dislike of almost everyone (including my family)

- Paranoia

- Dont love or care about people, in exception to 1 or 2

- Intrusive thoughts

- High anxiety

- Not at all interested in any kind of relationship

_ Have crazy anger and fustration issues but i always hide well.

- Like to be isolated

- I dont find anything funny or impressive

- always extremely bored!!!

This is just a nutshell there is sooo much more.

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Lilian95, do you think that you may be scared of being diagnosed? I mean, you read something that you identified with, you do recognize some of the characteristics, but you also wish your T to tell you that it's all ok. You seem worried. It's not easy to be in therapy and to feel different from others. Your T can only help you making sense of it all to start with and then maybe discuss treatment. What do you think?

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Hi and welcome. Having a diagnosis is a good thing cause Then you can treet the cause rather than letting it go on and on. Having a diagnosis really helped me understand what i am thinking and feeling. I am also on medication lots of it at that. It helps control my various disorders most of the time.

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Thanks for all you replies. I really appreciate it. karaindrou: I think your on the right line. I never really considered that i was worried about being diagnosed but now that you mention it i probably am. My family have always judged people with personality disorders. I mean the look the give me when i try to talk to them about simply having anxiety. I really do want to sort things out because I'm not going to get any better if i dont talk about my issues. quick question, is there an easy/less stressful way to tell my therapist about the symptoms i am having?

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I think that you may be thinking of your T as if T was a bit like your family. T is not going to judge you or give you the looks that you family give you. If you have been with T for some time, maybe T has already picked some of the things up. Including that your family is judgemental of PDs?

It helps me, at times, to write things down and take it to sessions for T to read or to take drawings, or to print something from the internet. You can also tell T that you found something on the internet that you identified with and then show it to him when you feel ready? WHat would you feel comfortable doing?

Therapy is meant to help and not judge you.

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