MischaD Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 Hi I am dealing with some issues from my past which have caused me trauma. As I go through my DBT I have shared some of these with my psychologist and my partner. However, there are some things I have not told either yet. I intend on sharing them with my psych at some point as I do feel I need to get them out in order to try and move on. This will be difficult enough, however, I don't know if I can ever share them with my husband as I worry that he will look at me differently and things will never be the same - not that they are great in anyway at the moment. The past events are to do with sexual assaults so that is why I am worried. I have never even acknowledged this out loud before and writing this even upsets me. This has been such a bad weekend, I feel so alone and have been harming myself as I feel no one understands me or will listen to my feelings. I have psychology on Tuesday but right now I need someone to talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 I don't share everything with my wife. Just because you love and live with someone, you are a separate person with your own mind, and I think its ok to keep some things to yourself. Why not reveal some of the "safer" things with your psychologist, then talk to them about this issue? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 I don't share anything with my partner or therapist, I try with my therapist but its hard I've been in trauma therapy almost a year and haven't opened up its just too hard. My partner isn't interested which is why I don't share with him. You don't have to share everything with your husband its your choice x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 I never share everything with my psych or any other MH workers. I don't want to give up my control to ANY fucker. All they do is use it against me & hold it over me. Trust no one coz they are never looking out for your best interests. That's my personal opinion but hey,I'm an ultra paranoid fuck up so just discount everything I've said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carthraziel Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 Hi MischaD If your therapist is a good one you should be able to share anything with them whilst feeling like what is said will never leave the room. In this respect I think I am wierd because I generally feel safe therapists pretty much anything as it's against their contract and their practise to share anything you say to them with another human unless they believe you or another person is at risk. So I feel like going to therapy is like putting my thoughts into a box that never go anywhere outside of where I say them, and that's what helps me. As for telling a partner things, I struggle on that side because most of what I experience doesn't seem to make sense to my partner, so more often than not I say nothing. However I make an effort to tell him some things, in small doses and usually far apart. I don;t think you have to take an all or nothing approach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 Thank you everyone for your responses. It's good to know that I don't have to share everything in order to try and get better. Carthraziel, your last comment is very appropriate as most things I do tend to be on an all or nothing basis! Something I am working on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie1986 Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 I don't share everything with everyone. It's not about them it's about you. You will know what needs addressing openly and what you can address within yourself. I used to tell everyone everything like tried to give it away so it wasn't mine but I got burnt quickly when it was used as ammo to hurt me so I learned to keep it in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 Yeah I definitely wouldn't be telling anyone else. I've learned in the past from so called friends who just pretended to care to get a bit of 'gossip'. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 In an ideal world maybe you would want to share everything and sometimes you're expected to share everything but it's not that simple. We don't always get much choice about who our therapist is and not every therapist will be able to connect with every client. Sometimes you won't get on with them and sometimes the therapist won't be able to talk about everything. My last therapist was by far the best support person I've ever had but he wasn't comfortable with talking about rape so we didn't discuss it. I tried talking about it a couple of times but he seemed uncomfortable so in the end I wrote him a letter saying I get the impression you're not happy talking about this but if I've got this wrong maybe you could bring up the subject in our next session? He never did. Therapy usually involves subject matter that is difficult to talk about as well as difficult to listen to. It's fine to find it difficult, it's fine to take your time about telling them and it's fine if the person you're talking to just isn't the right person to tell. Therapists are all individuals just like we are and sometimes for whatever reason you just can't talk to them about everything. Usually I do just blurt out everything because I expect people to dislike and disapprove of me so if it's going to happen anyway why not just tell them everything? But if I like a therapist then I don't want to make them uncomfortable because that's not going to help either of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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