nikkim77 Posted March 16, 2015 Report Share Posted March 16, 2015 please help me someone, i feel so lost and alone to the point i'm not sure of anything anymore. I' m sat here in floods of tears not knowing what to do. I'm not even sure this is the right place to post. 3 years ago i had a miscarriage at 8 week. I have kept it quiet for all this time, not told my boss or anyone at work mainly because it happened in my annual leave and no one needed to know. I have struggled with high and low mood swings and various other work issues ever since. Over the last few months i have wanted to talk to my boss about it and tell her everything, I came close a few weeks ago but bottled it. On Friday I finally decided that it was time she knew, I had written on a piece of paper that I had a miscarriage to help me. I told her I had something to tell her and that i didn't want her to be cross as I'd not told her before. At this point i just gave her the paper with it written. I thought i was ready to talk to her, but i couldn't do it, i just literally froze and looked down. My boss didn't immediately say anything, but then said so that's why you have struggled with the deaths of the babies (i'm a nurse). She then asked a few questions and ones that i have absolutely nothing to hide, but my body language was horrific, I either just shrugged or stared at the floor. I broke down twice but never actually managed to say anything constructive. She steered the conversation to other things and i answered basically. I feel like she doesn't believe me, i was literally sat there and hardly moved, staring at the floor, the wall, anything but actually looking at her. In the end i just said i was going and left. she asked if i was going to do anything stupid but i just shrugged and said don't know. I really want to talk to her but i don't know what to say or do now. I'm not sure if i was actually ready to discuss it with her really, but now i think i have lost that chance to anyway. please help ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyChain Posted March 16, 2015 Report Share Posted March 16, 2015 Well done for doing what you did, that took courage even though it wasnt the way that you had planned you did manage to let her know, and if she is a good boss you will have the opportunity to discuss it again when you feel more comfortable. Sometimes we are just so overwhelmed that we cant talk constructively, but thats OK too. Thinking of you, keep talking here if it helps x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted March 16, 2015 Report Share Posted March 16, 2015 You did a very brave thing hun, please don't be hard on yourself! Hugs xxx I have miscarried too and it is devastating. You must find it so very difficult, I am sure your boss won't hold it against you. It's very painful and you tried your best hun. If you ever need to talk about your miscarriage please pm me if you want to. Maybe your boss understands enough now xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 You've done really well. It must have been so difficult and so painful to talk about but you did it. Maybe you didn't manage to talk about it in the way you wanted to but it is very difficult to plan these things. You haven't talked about it before so you can't know how you're going to deal with it until you're in the moment. You managed to let your boss know what you felt she needed to know and you were able to give some sort of answer to your questions and I don't think you can really ask or expect more from yourself than that. It's difficult I know but in a situation like this it's what you did achieve that matters. I'm sure your boss would understand that as she works with babies and she obviously cares about your wellbeing. I'm sure she did believe you. As she said that helped explain why deaths of babies upset you, she'd obviously picked up that something had happened. It was probably a shock to her as she had no idea something so sad had happened to you (though it's your private loss and there is no obligation to share that with anyone from work) but she probably didn't quite know how to respond and you were obviously very distressed at the time so it's very likely you can't read her emotions as well as you usually can. I don't think you've lost the chance to talk to her as it's not really the sort of thing you can discuss easily in one conversation. I don't think your body language was bad. It showed her that you were upset, that you found it difficult to talk about - I shouldn't think many people could maintain perfect eye contact and open body language when talking about something so distressing. It's not a situation where many people would be able to behave 'normally' (though in the circumstances I would say you behaved completely normally) or speak constructively. You're speaking about loss and emotions which are always difficult to put into words. I'm glad you felt able to tell her and I really hope she can give you support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikkim77 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Thankyou everyone, My boss rang me today and asked me to go and see her, she has decided to pull me out of work and has given me 3 options - sick leave, special leave or working in am office environment for 3 months. she is concerned as last evening at work i got upset about something but this was combined with things that had happened recently, and something someone said. feel like an outcast and so fed up, roll on 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 ((((Nikkim)))) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.