Clancy82 Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 What's wrong with me? I think I've been mentally poorly since childhood due to many traumatic events. I'm now 32 and work full time and have 4 children. I feel I've been trying to cope with my mental health and two months ago I just couldn't any longer. I think the psychiatric nurse put it down to anxiety but I feel that it's more. My symptoms are- Loss of memory from most of my childhood and up to now, people talk about quite significant events in my past and I have literally no recollection of them happening. Self harm, like I've got this really intense feeling inside of me that's just got to do it. I very rarely drink (like twice a year) but I seem to self distruct and have to drink and hurt myself and become slightly histerical, I feel like I've no control over it. Scary random thoughts that pop into my head out of no where, like one night I felt so down I thought of bringing myself to a and e because I felt so empty and down. I then had a clear image of watching myself walking into hospital and I had a plastic bag with me, I thought I wonder what I have in the bag, when I looked it was my children chopped up. I was imagining this as a second me, not the me holding the bag. I freaked out. Constant worry that something bad is going to happen to me or the children I get thoughts of if my plant dies then I do too. So I get anxious about keeping it alive. Running commentary in my head which gets annoying Random loud words popping into my head like "help me!" I wasn't thinking anything or distressed at the time. The thought of people like doctors etc touching me makes me panic and I imagine getting a gun or knife to keep them away. It's a horrible fear. Every now and again when I'm not feeling bad or depressed I can be talking to someone then suddenly my head becomes jumbled I feel like one million thoughts are happening but I couldn't tell what was being thought, I feel confused and disconnected and it feels like lots and lots of loud noises in my head. The thoughts are extremely rapid. None of the thoughts make sense. After ten mins or maybe less they stop. There are probably other symptoms too but can't think of them all. If anyone can shed some light on it that would be great x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 huge hugs sweets. Thats a lot to cope with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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