Clancy82 Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 hat's wrong with me? I think I've been mentally poorly since childhood due to many traumatic events. I'm now 32 and work full time and have 4 children. I feel I've been trying to cope with my mental health and two months ago I just couldn't any longer. I think the psychiatric nurse put it down to anxiety but I feel that it's more. My symptoms are- Loss of memory from most of my childhood and up to now, people talk about quite significant events in my past and I have literally no recollection of them happening. Self harm, like I've got this really intense feeling inside of me that's just got to do it. I very rarely drink (like twice a year) but I seem to self distruct and have to drink and hurt myself and become slightly histerical, I feel like I've no control over it. Scary random thoughts that pop into my head out of no where, like one night I felt so down I thought of bringing myself to a and e because I felt so empty and down. I then had a clear image of watching myself walking into hospital and I had a plastic bag with me, I thought I wonder what I have in the bag, when I looked it was my children chopped up. I was imagining this as a second me, not the me holding the bag. I freaked out. Constant worry that something bad is going to happen to me or the children I get thoughts of if my plant dies then I do too. So I get anxious about keeping it alive. Running commentary in my head which gets annoying Random loud words popping into my head like "help me!" I wasn't thinking anything or distressed at the time. The thought of people like doctors etc touching me makes me panic and I imagine getting a gun or knife to keep them away. It's a horrible fear. Every now and again when I'm not feeling bad or depressed I can be talking to someone then suddenly my head becomes jumbled I feel like one million thoughts are happening but I couldn't tell what was being thought, I feel confused and disconnected and it feels like lots and lots of loud noises in my head. The thoughts are extremely rapid. None of the thoughts make sense. After ten mins or maybe less they stop. There are probably other symptoms too but can't think of them all. If anyone can shed some light on it that would be great x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 It sounds like you have trauma issues - have you been diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) or BPD (borderline personality disorder) ? Both of these are associated with childhood trauma. I think people with trauma issues sometimes lose their memory, but this can probably also happen with other conditions as well - like epilepsy. Self-harm is associated with BPD - I imagine that people with other psychiatric diagnoses such as depression and PTSD self-harm also. Constant worry and feeling down could be anxiety or depression. A running commentary in your head could be OCD, psychosis or anxiety. Feeling scared at being touched sounds like its trauma-related. A jumbled head with disconnected thoughts could be anxiety; or you could be having flashbacks due to PTSD, or it could be psychosis if you are having noises in your head. The bottom line is that nobody here can diagnose you because we are not qualified, and because we are just reading this over the internet. Do you have a good relationship with your psychiatric nurse? You may have a diagnosis on file, they can discuss that with you. And if you discuss your symptoms with them then maybe they can help you to get some more help or to talk with the psychiatrist. I am sorry that you have been having these symptoms, they sound distressing, I hope you manage to get some help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clancy82 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Thank you for your input, the CPN didn't give me a diagnosis I think she has put it down to anxiety. I've had a lot of what people would call traumatic events from childhood abuse from my dad, my sister died when I was a child, when I grew up I had two partners who was very violent. I have a mentally ill brother who attacked me with a kitchen knife five years ago, then last year I was sexually assaulted by my sons father who I've not been with for 13 years. I've been managing fine and never reacting to anything I've been through, or so I thought. The most I felt was memory loss and stress. I've worked all my life then six weeks ago I felt I just couldn't carry on being brave and going through every day things and I just couldn't stop crying. Since then I've been off sick. I've always self harmed on and off since childhood it makes me feel alive. You're right I feel I need a proper diagnosis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 19, 2015 Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 hi sorry i dont have more to offer in this post. Just that i hope things pick up for you soon. Keep posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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