Kara. Posted April 27, 2015 Report Share Posted April 27, 2015 When someone does something nice to me I feel so grateful that I feel the need to pay back. Not any pay back, but a big pay back. Because good things are really not for me, are they? I turn the offering into a burden by trying to do something big for who offered it to me. On the other hand, other times I can't even see when something nice is being done/offered to me. I interpret it wrongly as if the person is trying to cheat me, or had other intentions, or is trying to have some benefit that I can't see straight away, but of course there is something not clear and I will find out... And I end up being ungrateful.I wish I knew when the giving was honest and I wish I didn't feel that I have to run a marathon to show my gratitude to someone who did something nice to me. And I wish that I was not so good at knowing what people need because usually the opposite is not true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted April 27, 2015 Report Share Posted April 27, 2015 its a hard one Kara, why do you feel the need to give such a big payback, if someone is genuinely nice then they wont want anything back. I can relate as in terms of not knowing if people are genuine or not or if they really care or not. You really do deserve people being nice but I know you find that hard, I wish had something useful to say, hugs Kara x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon5 Posted April 27, 2015 Report Share Posted April 27, 2015 I also feel I need to pay back. I also think people are nice to me because they are nice people and would do that for everyone and anyone, or the other end i thnk they arebeing nice to me because it meets a need they have and they don,t see me anyway. coz I couldn't be getting a compliment because I am doing something nice that doesnt make any sense to me. .at least we know how we think, I guess that is something. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted April 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2015 Thank you for your replies addy and bluemoon. I needed some words before sleeping. addy I understand that people won't want anything in return. I feel that I owe them because as you said I don't feel that I deserve their kindness. I will try to think your words, that I deserve kindness without having to pay back. You were very helpful addy. As always :-)bluemoon yes, at least we know how we think. Maybe I was not so much aware of my need to pay back. I am a bit disconcerted. You also deserve nice things as you may know but I understand that on some level that is an absurd.Hugs to both.PS: even in here, when someone replies I have to say thank you so many times and show my deep appreciation but I don't expect such exaggerating when i reply to posts. I had written more thank you very much after the hugs but I deleted it. Is it ok like it is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted April 27, 2015 Report Share Posted April 27, 2015 hugs Kara I hope you have a peaceful sleep xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoping Posted April 28, 2015 Report Share Posted April 28, 2015 Have often felt the same ,look for reasons as to why people have done something or said something nice to me ,and feel like I have to pay them back in some way.think sometimes when your so used to giving to others its hard to accept kindness back and can't understand why ,look for reasons that are,nt always there.just letting you know I get it and understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted April 28, 2015 Report Share Posted April 28, 2015 PS: even in here, when someone replies I have to say thank you so many times and show my deep appreciation but I don't expect such exaggerating when i reply to posts. I had written more thank you very much after the hugs but I deleted it. Is it ok like it is?Me too, it's like when I say 'sorry' too often as well.Yes, it sounds perfectly grateful enough as it is!think sometimes when your so used to giving to others its hard to accept kindness back and can't understand why ,look for reasons that are,nt always there.I agree hoping, this makes sense to me too. Hope you are feeling ok today Kara. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted April 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2015 Thank you all. It's good to share experiences. It helps understand it better.I had a bad night sleep but I hope it will be better today.Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoping Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Hope today has been an better one kara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted April 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Thank you hoping. Yes. I resolved what had triggered me to write the post and I do feel better. I thought I was being ungrateful but I was told that I was not. I was in the right, I was told. I understood today though that the reason why I sometimes had sex with guys I didn't want to have sex with, was because I felt grateful that they were there with me and I somehow had to pay back. I had never understood this before. I thought, in disbelief, that I was such a lucky girl to have these guys spending time with me. I feel very sad that I grew up not knowing that I didn't have to pay back when someone is nice to me. I still can't quite think or feel that I may have some value and that maybe I don't have to have sex in return for someone's company. I feel very unprotected. But I am ok. It's a good realization. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoping Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 I totally get what your saying , and had similar feelings growing up.its difficult sometimes believing our own value when others have done there best to crush that.much support from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted April 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 Thank you hoping. I really appreciate your support. I have to turn this around and I hope you will too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 Offering hugs all around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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