Doll - little me - shame

[Kara.]

The other week I wrapped a teddy that I have as if it was the little part of me. I found it helpful to be able to externalize my feelings and decided to buy a doll to use it in that way. However, I now feel silly and stupid as I am obviously very mature for this. I told my T about it and I feel ashamed. I wish I was just an adult. A functional adult. How could I ever have  a partner when I am about to cuddle a doll as if I was a little child? And how do people who have a dissociated child within them, have sexual relationships? 

 

 

[artemis84]

You have no reason to feel ashamed Kara, none at all.

Just out of curiosity, what did your T say when you told them?

I would often like to be a normal, functioning adult too but do you know what? I think it is probably over-rated.

Having an inner child does not mean you can't ever have a partner, I don't see the two things as mutually exclusive.

Please don't feel ashamed of what you need to do right now, there is no reason to. xxxx

[Kara.]

 

 

Thank you artemis. I am very ashamed though and giving myself a hard time. T was very supportive and we agreed that I would bring doll when I get it in the post. T is to open it and I can imagine T also cuddling the doll and being extremely lovely to it before T gives it to me. The doll and this sequence of events is part of a plan to help me manage when I go very low, into my most vulnerable child mode. I am usually not functional in this state. 

Please don't feel ashamed of what you need to do right now,

​Maybe you are right. Maybe this is something I need to do right now. Maybe I will not need to do it at some point. 

Thank you artemis. HUgs.

[Emma1980]

I am glad I am not the only one who does this. I have a doll that I identify as myself, I buy her clothes and when I interact with her it is like I am regressing to childhood.

I am also embarrassed by this, this is the first time I have ever told anyone, when I bought her in the shop I pretended she was for my niece. 

But the way I look at it is that it's not hurting anybody and may actually be helping me so that's how I rationalise it. 

[addy2]

you have nothing to be ashamed about kara i think its really good if it helps you. I watch children's programmes and I'm an adult I love Winnie the pooh I often lie in bed and picture living there with them all it makes me feel safe. You ask how do people have sexual relationships with a dissociated child, what I've found is there is a part of me who is very sexual and that's ok if its the child and sex is happening then I quickly dissociate or I say no, only once I can remember and I panicked and immediately went to the abuse and it felt so strange I knew it was partner but I was a child it was disgusting but thankfully that doesn't normally happen i am usually who I need to be if that makes sense? Big hugs Kara I'm glad you have found some small comfort xx

[Kara.]

Thank you for sharing it with us/me Emma. I'm pleased that you can take it easy and rationalise. Maybe I will too but I feel embarassed also because i told my T... 

addy thank you. I also watch animations and I am fine with that. But this is a doll. Three dimensions, lovely... and then I look at the mirror and all goes yak. Thank you for sharing about sex.

I had sex when in my little me mode and I felt very used and abused. The little me can be present for a long time, especially when at home, as i am quite functional during the day. When I come home all I want is having nobody to ask me anything but I would do with a hug. I also have a part that likes sex a lot, but that part is not around very often. I prefer that it's not. Though I like it when it is. It's just hard when the child comes and I am so different. How is a guy to understand this? 

I have been giving myself a hard time. In fact, I have even decided to send the doll back. I don't know yet if I will. 

Thank you both. Hugs. 

[addy2]

please try not to be so hard on yourself, if a doll comforts you that isn't wrong its what works and helps. That's how I felt used and abused but if you have a partner you can say no to it helps, I just refuse if I'm in child mode, it must be strange for my partner as the extremes are obvious from very sexual to nothing. I guess cause to function I'm in parent mode most of the time and that works I can do whatever in that mode. In child mode I can't function and I'm very scared and vulnerable I can understand why this worries you so much. But please be kind to little you and big you, big hugs xx

[Emma1980]

Give it a few days before deciding whether to send the doll back, let your feelings of embarrassment 'retreat' somewhat, when they are not so strong you may be able to make a decision.

As addy says, the most important thing is to be kind to yourself. I suppose I find it easier to have my doll as I live alone at the moment, I did have her when I was with my partner but I never told him in what context I had her, although I think he did suspect by the end. 

If it helps he said a lot of nasty things to me when he left me but he never ridiculed my doll, maybe it isn't as 'off the wall' as we think. 

As long as it's not hurting anybody I think you should do whatever gets you through the day. 

[walker]

kara

that thing you said about the little one and sx

thing that is what was happening to us that he was doing stuff but we 'were little one' and so distressed by it

 

there is no shame in having the doll, we sleep with teddy and sometime  when we are small we sit with him in our arms but we wouldn't do that out