Incapable of love

[BigHeight]

This has become a massive problem for me, like a big big problem.

I believe I'm incapable of love, the amount of times I've met people, dated people, been in relationships with people and still, I just have this need to be alone. I push everybody away, I won't let anybody have me if I know they want me, and everytime I try I find myself not even wanting to text people. I hate nothing more than being mithered, I come across people who are into constant texting and that's not me, I don't want my life to revolve around my phone. If I wake up and I'm feeling like I just need a day to find myself and process my thoughts I don't need somebody mithering me and calling me moody for not being a massive texter.

I know some of this is down to past experiences, but sometimes I think I'd like that loving relationship with somebody. But there's this part of me that has to and wants to be alone, so I can have that time to myself where I want to be alone and just go through the motions, and I find myself alone alot, and I do like it. I'm such an angry person now though, I literally will turn my phone off for hours if someone is mithering me, I'll block their number (if there not anybody I particularly know well) and I end up so mad, and people know I'm pissed off they just see it in my face.

I know people will say I've not met the right person, and I probably haven't, but regardless of that I still think I'm stuck in my ways, I look at relationships my friends/family are in, and I'm thinking to myself that I wouldn't want someone planning my days for me, telling me there coming my house etc. The more I think of all of this, the more I think something is genuinely wrong, a few years back there was someone I fell for (probably the only person I properly fell for) and it didn't work out anyway, but yeah just needed to write this down somewhere.

Fucks me off so much when text me again if I don't rely straight away, or I get "your so moody" it's not that, I just don't want to dedicate my days to constant texting, I wish everyone would fuck off.

I guess it all comes down to control issues, but why?

[bluemoon5]

Hi sorry cant help but wanted you to know I read your post x

[Data]

Do you want to be loved?  Some people are genuine loners, they don't want other people.  Others want people, but are scared by them.

 

 

[burning wing]

I can relate to what you're experiencing. I also wouldn't like someone to plan my day for me, because I don't feel comfortable with other people putting their nose in my affairs, and I don't even think this is due to the control issues, I'm just born this way, independent. I enjoy the feeling of freedom and independency, and though sometimes I really want someone to hug me or to share something with, sometimes I wish there was someone with me, but then I remember my last 8 months long relationship, and I think 'Thank God, I'm not involved with anyone'. Considering planning days, I wouldn't also like to do it for someone else, because I believe one should have his own personal space in a relationship, that is important.

Maybe someday you will meet someone who will want to be around and will have no need to control. Maybe someday you'll meet someone who will care about you just for who you are, for what you are, without any expectations. Someone who will give you freedom and still will be around if you need him/her.

I thought this way, like you do, and I thought I could fix it by forcing myself into a relationship with a person I a little bit liked, which is exactly what I did with that one which lasted 8 months. This story has left such a bad taste in my mouth! I'm still feeling sorry for all the times I said 'I love you" when I actually didn't feel that way, but I thought I could force myself to feel it. No way am I getting into that thing again. I believe in a 'dream person' who will accept me for who I am, and even though this might seem silly, it really helps to keep going and to not dwell on the 'I'm incapable of love' thing.

Hugs, and I wish you to get through it and figure out your own way to live and love. You're a unique person, and what others feel or do has nothing to do with what you really need. You're the only one to know and decide.

[BigHeight]

First of all, thankyou for the replies.

Do you want to be loved?  Some people are genuine loners, they don't want other people.  Others want people, but are scared by them.

 

 

​

Data, that's a good question. Probably not, but other days I'd love a loving relationship. I think I can be too picky, it's hard to find all the qualities your looking for in a person, but I don't have alot of self worth and that probably stops me, I think that nobody would want to be with me even though I have been asked out many times.

 

burning wing, maybe I'm just like you. and it's being independant that I am. I know I spend alot of time on my own, and I'm not sure I could dedicate my life to somebody, I've come across people in my life though I could spend every minute with and I'm mesmerised by them, but they don't see me in that way sometimes. I have also done what you have, and used the word "love" when I never meant it, and never felt it but just said it because I felt like I had to, and I've also dated people I didn't even really like, and it never ended up working out for me, I just don't know when I will find happiness.

[mkzaxxx411]

making love to someone is not important else being loved is needed .........................

try to make fall in love with anyone seriously and share your happiness and sorrows with her .........

 

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