denial

[Kara.]

There is abuse that I recognize as abuse and I have accepted it. But emotional abuse is confusing. I think that the child in me doesn't want to know because she doesn't want to think that she was completely alone. T used the word 'abuse' in relation to it and part of me said NO!, quite immediately. I now have to trust T as if that person is going to sort me out. How to be in relation after being alone for such a long time? How to be someone else? 

[bluemoon5]

yes I find emotional abuse confusing, its good that your T recognises it. perhaps its also confusing if you have relationships with those who abused in the here and now, well talking for myself it is.

[Data]

Emotional abuse is complicated as its not always easy to define where healthy relationships end and emotional abuse starts.

Also like any other form of abuse the perpetrator can make the victim feel like it is their fault.

I think in a way we are all alone.  The answer is not trying to be someone else, but coming to terms with who you are.

[Kara.]

bluemoon, yes, i do have relationships with the abusers, both physical and emotional. They are very needy and I can't turn my back on that.

Data, i agree with you. The victim often feels guilty of the abuse that s/he suffered. But i also think that on some level it feels easier to feel that there is something wrong with us, which allows us to keep the idea of a good other intact rather than recognize that the other on whom we depended upon was flawed and could not love, care and protect us. The sense of loneliness is then even greater. But as you said, we are alone and the sooner I learn how to deal with this, the better.

Thank you so much for having replied. I was not ok yesterday but I am feeling better today. Hugs bluemoon and Data.