All mess that I have done

[Gembel]

Hello all,

 

I'm not sure if this is the right place to do this but i really need to vent this somewhere.

I just got married last year and now with a 3mo baby. I feel that I have ruined someone's else life because of my disorder and I'm afraid its going to affect the baby later on. In fact, I have only been reading about the symptoms of BPD (How I wish someone could tell me this since a long time ago).

Anyways, we're still living with his parents and thru time more issues came out and unsurprisingly as usual I cannot control my emotions. I was thinking that If having a relationship with 1 person is hard for me already, wouldn't it be harder to deal with 4 extra people in daily life? But then again does that mean that I am only running away if we move out of the house? I mean the BPD still exists inside of me. Problems will still be there. Its just going to limit itself within us two. I have been feeling to runaway from this house but I feel bad to my baby. But then again how can someone who causes problem to everyone be able to raise a child? 

 

Please kindly reply your thoughts,

Thank you

[Audrey_Hepburn]

Hey, Gembel!

It's lovely to hear you raised a family! Yes, you can be a good mother. And you deserve a good marriage! From your post I see how much you care about your baby and your marriage, so that's how I got my answer.

Are you in therapy?

I really do think that circumstances have a huge impact on us. Not only on us with BPD but on everyone. I know for myself. I can't escape myself, my BPD, true that,but I know that some things and people make me feel worse and trigger me.

I personally don't see it as running away when you want to avoid things that make you feel even worse, I think it's taking care of yourself.

Yes, our problems won't disappear if we change one thing that bothers us, but it can help us...

Just my opinionopinion... Xxx

[PolarBearStare]

Hi Gembel

Firstly congratulations on becoming a mother!

It sounds like you're carrying a lot of guilt around with you, feeling that you've ruined someone's life, and a lot of worry or anxiety about your baby's future. I can imagine these feelings are quite painful and I am sorry you're finding yourself in a situation where you're struggling with your emotions.

You've said that moving out would feel like running away. It seems like you're judging your own feelings and desires quite harshly. You have BPD, but you are also a whole person, with every right to make decisions about your own life.

Your last sentence makes me feel very sad. It must be horrible to feel that you cause problems to everyone. For what it's worth, even though I don't know you, I don't think that any person can be a problem to everyone. We all have our faults, but we also have things about us that are loveable.

I really wish you all the best and I hope you are ok.

Lisa