Avoidance

[Kitsune]

Don't know if it's personality disorder levels (i suspect it is) or just part of anxiety or whatever but my avoidance is bad, it always has been and it's still as bad, it's just that it's become really noticeable because over more responsibility and 'independence'. When i was a kid it was ok because it didn't matter so much, parents and family could help and things weren't as important i guess (although it didn't help me grow as a person so i'm still a 'kidult' now) but my avoidance is really getting to me, it's a constant battle, it's costing me things.

Bf encouraged me to send off an email i've been putting off for months then praised me but got a reply today that says while it's not a total no it may be difficult to sort as someone else has already got there first...

someone who isn't avoidant and wants to live life and progress.

I feel crappy and like i need this avoidance pattern to just go away NOW.

This sucks, what's the point.

Why do i do this and what can i even do to stop doing this?

 

[jenny1471]

Hi

Oh wow I can so relate. I don't know if it's the same or even similar for you but last week I was supposed to phone someone.. I still haven't and I haven't even emailed her to apologise or touch base. I know now that it's getting too late and even if I do make contact it will probably be an opportunity lost. But mostly I feel shame.. it's almost like self sabotage. If I leave it long enough then it won't happen and I can say 'told you so'.

No words of wisdom but just a listening ear/eye

x

[Kitsune]

Jenny that's totally it, i need to email this person back and then further down the line i need to try and ask about the next show and it's all so anxiety provoking!

*frustrated*

Thanks for reading xx

[FaerieFires]

I completely get where you're coming from. I was supposed to claim some savings bonds and I haven't written off for them or called or anything... Which means we're struggling for money which stresses me out and makes me avoid the issue even more... It's awful. Everyone goes mad at me all the time for putting stuff off as long as humanly possible and ignoring these important things, yet I'm still doing it...

You're not on your own!

FF x

[Saharah Blue]

I hear you about just wanting it to stop, the biggest obstacle I found was that I disassociated and instantly avoided. For me it took a super effort of learning to be present and stop over thinking,it was like a train on thought that once I allowed myself to travel I couldn't get off off, so rather than let the barrage of emotions and inadequacy take over, I have tried practicing not thinking just doing. Literally one foot in front of the other.

I have been making huge strides with this course and the biggest downside had been pretending I have nothing to process at a later moment. When I don't make downtime to process all the "stuff" I get lost to myself and disconnect and act out, so the default behavior kicks up pretty strong, but now I have a better awareness that this will happen and why and it is still a huge challenge to want to actively process in a appropriate setting, eurgh... but I am make progress and not beating myself up in the guilt anxiety loop.

[walker]

what course sah?

 

yes kitsune we know well the avoidance cycle

[Saharah Blue]

1. Being mindful and present
2. Just do the activity or task at hand

I have to reminding myself that judging myself only will make my life harder to bear in a daily way. I have to remind myself that the task or activity 9 times out of 10 has nothing to do with my thoughts and emotions.