Help and Advice please!

[NeilP]

Hi ..

My son has just be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (Impulsive Type). He's 25 and been in a long term relationship with his partner, however she has recently left him due to a significant deterioration in his emotional state.

Lately he became very possessive, controlling, and abusive, resorting to violence on a number of occasions.

My son is committed to seeking therapy, and has in fact just started some sessions with a private therapist. He has the support of his family, and also his partner, albeit that she is unable to provide that support at his side. She is committed to trying to re-assess their relationship once my son has undertaken his therapy.

Unfortunately, whilst her leaving him has prompted him to seek help, he is finding it very difficult to reconcile the fact that she has left him against her continued support and love for him.

My question is..what is the likely prognosis? Can we expect the therapy to work? Is it possible for a relationship to thrive if a partner has BPD.

Any advice...please
 

[Kara.]

Hi NeilP. Welcome to the forum. 

I'm sorry that your son is struggling at the moment and that he has been diagnosed with bpd.

Prognosis can be very different for each case but whereas in the past the prognosis was incredibly negative, lots of new research has been taken place and increasing interest in bpd has led many good therapists to specialize in bpd and many specialized therapies to be created. It still is a very stigmatized condition but progress is also a reality. 

I heard and read about recovery histories but also about ongoing difficulties in changing. Change is difficult in maybe every case but as I need to see it, not impossible at all. It requires an incredible commitment and hard work in therapy and having a motivating factor helps. Your son seems to have the support of his ex-girlfriend and though that may be confusing due to the all/nothing and balck/white thinking, it may be very helpful that he gets the message that there are aspects of him that are ok but other aspects that need to change. Only with time he may be able to reconcile contradictory aspects and paradoxes. 

I think that it is important for the family to also get as much support as possible and learn how to deal with the person with bpd's crisis. There are websites for families of people with bpd. You can look for them online and maybe even become a member of a support group for families. Though you are welcome to also come here, of course. 

Not sure if I can post links but as these are only meant to help you as a family member, I will post and wait to see if they get taken out: 

http://outofthefog.net/

http://bpdfamily.com/

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/helping-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder.htm

You can research online or buy some books that will not only help the family understand the bpd person but also help find strategies to deal with the bpd and very importantly take care of yourselves as well.

Personally I do suffer from bpd and have been in therapy for many many years (now doing schema therapy). It has helped me but I do have my crisis and will keep on working on my recovery.I need to believe that it is possible and in my case (and maybe most cases) that means that I need to go against much of what I believe(d) and much of what makes (made) me feel safe. One needs to go against a lifetime of a belief system, of what one thought was true and helpful.

Feel free to ask questions and do post if that helps.

I really wish all the best to you and your son.

 

 

[FaerieFires]

Hi Neil,

I hope you're well. It's great to hear how supportive you are of your son and of his recovery.

I have BPD, and I'm in a healthy long term relationship. My partner has spent a lot of time reading up on how to support me and how not to give in to some of my negative behaviour without sending me off into an emotional crisis. My BPD fluctuates depending on what's going on in my life, sometimes I'm near enough symptomless on the outside, which makes it easy to get on with my life and self-manage.

There are lots of brilliant psychosocial and behavioural therapies available these days to help your son, but I recommend that you get yourself in some therapy too. BPD can put a lot of emotional strain on friend and family of the sufferer and he will need you to be there during his recovery. His behaviour will likely get worse before it gets better so he will need a good strong support network to enable him to continue in treatment, otherwise he is likely to drop out. The best advice I can give is educate yourself, so you know what you're up against. The therapy will only work if he is truly receptive and open to it, so you will need to help instil that.

If you ever need any support or advice, I'm always available!

Thanks and good luck!

FF