lost

[rosielm1357]

I don't know if I'm writing in the right place or if I should be writing this at all.

I have suffered with mental health problems for a long time as I mentioned in another post and I was doing good, I was happy most days, I had my ups and downs but who who doesn't ( freak or not ) but my cousin said to me the other day I'm going to be on tablets with no job on DLA money smoking drugs for the rest of my life, okay one when I don't take the tablets every one I love hates me because I push them away when I feel down, I have kept it to my self how ever and I have stopped taking my tablets, I feel as though the tini light that was starting to appear at the end of the tunnel has just completely gone! I get the DLA money because I can't leave the house by my self without having a panick attack ( welliI haven't really been out of my house for about a week at all now  ) I started smoking drugs because it helped me sleep when I had awful night mares every single night that not one person I'm supposed to care about took seriously, my past comes back to haunt me every single day so I smoke more, I get stoned then I don't remember, I'm crying for no reason all the time I'm angry for no reason all the time, my life is falling to shit and baecauase I'm 18 now I can't have my councilor anymore, there's nothing at all in my life anymore and I can't cope, I can't cope with my man being ill, watching the woman that brought me up dieing every day in front of my and my mam crying about it, but I feel no emotions and I thought I was being heartless till I realized I was slipping back to my old ways and I don't know how to stop it, nothing is worth anything any more I just don't want to have this life at all, I attempted suicide a few months ago and got called selfish and if I wanted to do it properly I just just get a rope next time by my cousin then she claims she loves me and Cry's to her friends when she's drunk about me, iv gone on for to long I just needed to empty my head, I'm deeply apologetic if Ihave ooffended/upset anyone.

[successful_workthru]

dont stop taking your tablets, cos you will feel withdrawals from them which will make you feel worse.

I got off my meds last year by tapering them slowly, antidepressants and antipsychs, and valium over a longer period.

You wont be smoking drugs the rest of your life.

I know what you mean about your past haunting you, mine does, I hear my mums voice yelling at me, no wonder I aint seen her for over five years, because I don't want to, my dad even died in that time, but I didnt like him either, rather I didnt like our relationship.

I'm sorry your mum is ill.

Why cant you have a counsellor anymore, it sounds like counselling would help. Don't tell me its because of cut backs, because cut backs have cost me two support workers, and I needed them to help me, but now I have no one, left to find for myself.

You're not selfish for attempting suicide, don't listen to anyone who calls you selfish, they are worried about themselves.

Having said that, its not good for you to kill yourself and give up on life.

You have not upset me, but you are not selfish for trying to kill yourself, but you are distressed and in need of help.

[Data]

Its unfair to say that you will be on tablets and having no job for the rest of your life.  I was discharged from a mental hospital in the 1990s and they had no hope for me, they told me as such.  But now I have a lot of successes in my wife (job, home, family, education).  People do change and improve and get better, and you are young.

I am sorry you no longer have a counsellor, it sounds like they were important to you.

You don't cry for no reason, you cry because you feel sad.

It sounds like your cousin can be quite ignorant, and comes across as a bit abusive from some of the things you say.