Feeling anxious and vulnerable

[BigHeight]

I've been feeling very vulnerable lately, and snappy. 

I had my first panic attack in months a few days ago whilst I was in work, which threw me off a bit. I've just been feeling emotionally overwhelmed, and I failed my driving test again a few weeks ago and just feel like a failure, I'm always left dissapointed. But mainly I feel so alone, like for a long time I've always felt like I need someone, not necessarily a relationship but just somebody. Someone to send me texts everyday to make sure I'm ok, and to be there for me whenever I'm having these days. 

I used to appreciate my days off work and feel relief, but now everyday is the same. I still feel sad, and like I just want somebody to care, yet it feels like it's just me who always depends on everyone else, I've been lashing out at people because I have so much anger built up inside me. 

Sometimes I'm scared of myself and what I might do, I did want to job hunt and get a new job but I don't feel stable enough in myself to take on a new job right now.

 

[successful_workthru]

Hi

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. You're not alone. I'm feeling total despair today. Hope you feel better soon. Sorry I can't write more, my depression has sapped all of my energy. CBT is good for anxiety and panic, if you look online at cbt they give you some tools you can use any time you feel in a panic.

[ElizabethH14]

Hi BigHeight,

I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling so good. I can understand exactly what you are saying. I feel like that too on my bad days. 

I have BPD and this feeling alone thing is a central part.  It can be so overwhelming and unbearable. Yes I also get scared of myself when I am in this desperate state ( I have OD'd when I wasn't so bad), so I don't like to be alone when I feel like this. But I can also have this alone and empty feeling when I am in a room full of people. I start to get paranoid and think they are all looking at me, or laughing at me, or that they are avoiding me and dislike me etc.... Then I have a panic and want to just get out.

It all sound crazy when you write it out.

Anger is the opposite of fear. So if you are angry with everything inside you are hiding fear. Well this is what my T said and how it is with me.

Sorry to go on. But what I wanted you to know is that you are not alone and people here are listening and are concerned about you. Keep writing.

I'm sorryyour driving test didn't go so well. We're you very nervous?

Take care of yourself

xxElizabethxx

[successful_workthru]

I've been feeling very vulnerable lately, and snappy. 

I had my first panic attack in months a few days ago whilst I was in work, which threw me off a bit. I've just been feeling emotionally overwhelmed, and I failed my driving test again a few weeks ago and just feel like a failure, I'm always left dissapointed. But mainly I feel so alone, like for a long time I've always felt like I need someone, not necessarily a relationship but just somebody. Someone to send me texts everyday to make sure I'm ok, and to be there for me whenever I'm having these days. 

I used to appreciate my days off work and feel relief, but now everyday is the same. I still feel sad, and like I just want somebody to care, yet it feels like it's just me who always depends on everyone else, I've been lashing out at people because I have so much anger built up inside me. 

Sometimes I'm scared of myself and what I might do, I did want to job hunt and get a new job but I don't feel stable enough in myself to take on a new job right now.

 

I can get panic attacks when I am in situations where I am trying to stand my ground.

I didn't realise they were panic attacks, until the other day in my ADHD assessment, i told the woman that I feel faint when i am arguing with someone else, and I cannot think of what to say and she said that it was a panic attack.

I hate conflict and have phobias of people and this is why it is easier for me to allow them to speak to me rudely than it is to stand up for myself, because I cannot control my emotions and i either end up crying, or hurting myself, but one day, what if I hurt someone else in a fit of rage? that would be more scary to me than allowing them to be rude to me. Its degrading though, and I often feel degraded after someone has been rude to me.

Sorry to make this a me fest, but sometimes when I read about other people's feelings I can identify with them, for instance, when people with adhd write about things i can identify with them

I hope that your thread has helped you feel less dis-connected and isolated out there.

When I lash out, I lash inwards on my self, when i try to stand my ground, my mind just goes totally blank and I look a fool.

That's just the way I am unfortunately but I hope there is an answer somewhere for us both.

ADHD would be a good start for me, they hae a 5 week course here in this area for it.

I hopw help comes to you too.

[BigHeight]

Hi BigHeight,

I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling so good. I can understand exactly what you are saying. I feel like that too on my bad days. 

I have BPD and this feeling alone thing is a central part.  It can be so overwhelming and unbearable. Yes I also get scared of myself when I am in this desperate state ( I have OD'd when I wasn't so bad), so I don't like to be alone when I feel like this. But I can also have this alone and empty feeling when I am in a room full of people. I start to get paranoid and think they are all looking at me, or laughing at me, or that they are avoiding me and dislike me etc.... Then I have a panic and want to just get out.

It all sound crazy when you write it out.

Anger is the opposite of fear. So if you are angry with everything inside you are hiding fear. Well this is what my T said and how it is with me.

Sorry to go on. But what I wanted you to know is that you are not alone and people here are listening and are concerned about you. Keep writing.

I'm sorryyour driving test didn't go so well. We're you very nervous?

Take care of yourself

xxElizabethxx

Thanks for your reply.

 

I also feel paranoid, and as if people are looking at me etc, and also about the things I say, I always feel embarrased and uncomfortable.

I usually don't have so much anger, but lately it's so hard for me to keep a lid on it, I've actually lashed out at people in work because I won't be spoke down to or treated like shit, whereas the old me would never have done that, I used to be more quiet.

It wasn't so much that I was nervous, I didn't get many minors I failed on something silly that I should've seen. But obviously it's set me back, I just needed to pass that so I could carry on with other things in my life and move forward, but I've gone back so.

 

I've been feeling very vulnerable lately, and snappy. 

I had my first panic attack in months a few days ago whilst I was in work, which threw me off a bit. I've just been feeling emotionally overwhelmed, and I failed my driving test again a few weeks ago and just feel like a failure, I'm always left dissapointed. But mainly I feel so alone, like for a long time I've always felt like I need someone, not necessarily a relationship but just somebody. Someone to send me texts everyday to make sure I'm ok, and to be there for me whenever I'm having these days. 

I used to appreciate my days off work and feel relief, but now everyday is the same. I still feel sad, and like I just want somebody to care, yet it feels like it's just me who always depends on everyone else, I've been lashing out at people because I have so much anger built up inside me. 

Sometimes I'm scared of myself and what I might do, I did want to job hunt and get a new job but I don't feel stable enough in myself to take on a new job right now.

 

I can get panic attacks when I am in situations where I am trying to stand my ground.

I didn't realise they were panic attacks, until the other day in my ADHD assessment, i told the woman that I feel faint when i am arguing with someone else, and I cannot think of what to say and she said that it was a panic attack.

I hate conflict and have phobias of people and this is why it is easier for me to allow them to speak to me rudely than it is to stand up for myself, because I cannot control my emotions and i either end up crying, or hurting myself, but one day, what if I hurt someone else in a fit of rage? that would be more scary to me than allowing them to be rude to me. Its degrading though, and I often feel degraded after someone has been rude to me.

Sorry to make this a me fest, but sometimes when I read about other people's feelings I can identify with them, for instance, when people with adhd write about things i can identify with them

I hope that your thread has helped you feel less dis-connected and isolated out there.

When I lash out, I lash inwards on my self, when i try to stand my ground, my mind just goes totally blank and I look a fool.

That's just the way I am unfortunately but I hope there is an answer somewhere.

No no, it's okay to talk about yourself. Like you said it can help listening to someone elses experiences and feelings etc. 

Do you ever just feel like your on your own? Like I'm not in a relationship, and I don't particularly like my job, but in work there's a few people I like. And for some strange reason there's people in there who I'm quite close to and sometimes I get it into my head that they care about me, but just because were friendly in work doesn't mean they go home and wonder how I am or anything, and sometimes I wish I could tell them more but I don't think it would be right. 

 

It's just hard to battle with your own mind every single day, like do other people feel like that? I constantly worry about who I am, and how I come across and what I want from this life. I know one day things will change, and only I can change them but I still feel shit, and anxious about it all.

 

[angel tears]

Hey there

I have a big empty whole inside of me that I can't possibly fill because I have tried and it doesn't work. I am really starting to now think that it is the illness that's pushing this.... I feel very depressed at the mo, or is it the depression that's making the whole??? Whatever it is I understand your feelings. I am full of fear and anxiety... Some things just push my fear buttons and bam!! I am back to feeling empty. I feel lonely a lot but nothing makes me feel not lonely.

 

 

[BigHeight]

Hello, yes thats exactly how I feel too. I've always felt as though something is missing, I'm tired of it now.

I don't even know what my purpose is.

Hope your okay x

[ElizabethH14]

Hey there

I have a big empty whole inside of me that I can't possibly fill because I have tried and it doesn't work. I am really starting to now think that it is the illness that's pushing this.... I feel very depressed at the mo, or is it the depression that's making the whole??? Whatever it is I understand your feelings. I am full of fear and anxiety... Some things just push my fear buttons and bam!! I am back to feeling empty. I feel lonely a lot but nothing makes me feel not lonely.

 

 

, yes thats exactly how I feel too. I've always felt as though something is missing, I'm tired of it now.

I don't even know what my purpose is.Hope your okay x

I can understand and feel exactly the same. It is the BPD and the depression comes because of it. 

Elizabeth

[angel tears]

Hi there

i just can't shake off the depression caused by it. Some days I feel slightly better but I think that stress isn't helping xx

[ElizabethH14]

Hi back. Stress is a killer! ! When I have stress overload I just collapse and fall in a deep depression. 

XX Elizabeth