I need advice from a Non-BPD

[Validation2015]

Hi everyone,

I am at my wits end and need some help. I have BPD but I need the opinion of someone who hasn't got BPD and I think this is the best place.

I am 23 years old. I got diagnosed with BPD when I was 19. I am a textbook case and have had all the symptoms at least once. My main problem is fear of abandonment and that leads to all sorts of destructive behaviour. I am trying to help myself so I am receiving therapy and taking medication.

There's been this guy in my life since i've been 17. In the beginning, we got on really well but then the BPD started to kick in. I got obsessed and started to bombard him with calls and messages. I even stalked him and would roam the streets at night looking for him even though I didn't know his exact address. I just knew his area. I didn't care that I was putting myself in danger. All I cared about was seeing him. I think we were about to get into a relationship but after I started acting all crazy, he backed off and even changed his number.

We've been in and out of each others lives since I first met him. Not too long ago, I asked him how it all affected him back then and he said it depressed him and stressed him out. He's seen me go in and out of psych hospital, ruin my education and ruin relationships. He's just basically seen me at my worse. In the end, he went away for a long time to protect himself. One time he even said i'm not going back to psych hospital. He's been in psych hospital in the past but i'm not sure what for.

The sexual tension is off the charts. We've both wanted to have sex since we first met.However, he won't sleep with me because he knows it'll mess me up. . He won't even see me because he doesn't want any sexual contact to happen - not necessarily sex. Currently, we talk about once a week on WhatsApp. We always talk about sex among other things. I only have his secondary number. I think this is because he thinks I am going to drive him crazy with txts / calls. I agree that it is for the best and see where he is coming from.

I badly want to get into a relationship with him as I think we have a connection and we get along so well. He knows this but he has clearly said it's not going to happen. 

My question is, does anyone have any idea why he still talks to me? It's been years and he's still around. If you consider everything i've written above, it doesn't make sense whatsoever. Sometimes I think he's waiting for me to get better or something and then he'll get into a relationship with me. I know it's silly because he hasn't said or done anything to suggest this.

[goldenheart]

Hi

Thank you for trying to explain your situation as best as you can. From what I gather is this guy is scared of what could happen and doesn't want to get close to you on a emotional level in case any of his actions causes you any distress or upsets you as he doesn't want to be responsible if this happens and probably looking at your best interest. As he knows what mental health issues can do people from his own perspective and thus doesn't want to go back there himself as he doesn't want to relapse.

Also he can't handle some of your behaviours like multi calls and texts and wanting to be close and this doesn't mean he wants to run away from you altogether as thus why stays way at a distance like a friend as he cares. Rejecting calls and texts etc is to protect himself as he can't cope with this situation not because of you as a person.

Take things slowly and see what happens