Not so newly diagnosed BPD

[Biancaaa]

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about 2 years ago. I thought it was something I could just grind through, that if I pushed it all down far enough it wouldn't resurface. I basically tried to disassociate myself with BPD itself. 

I've been in and out of the NHS mental health system for ten years now and have found it increadibly easy, way too easy, to fall through the cracks. So is go to breaking point, get put back into the system, and then withdraw and slip through. 

Recently I have gone through some things that have made me face my problems head on. So now I'm trying the dealing with it tactic, I'm in private therapy. It's my Hail Mary tbh, I feel like this is the only other option I can take before completely self destructing. The problem is going down this road is making me feel like I'm already self destructing. 

I had friends and family, none knew what was really going on but they were there. When it first all hit the fan they were great, but now not so much. They keep telling me to snap out of it and that I'm not trying hard enough to help them understand what I'm going through... it's almost like they're bored of this situation and they want to move on to the next thing. So I can now feel myself isolating and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I feel like the people around me aren't trying to understand, and so I'm just alone trying to deal with it all on my own and it's really hard. 

I just need to know that there are other people out there who have come out the other side of this. Cause right now I don't feel like I can. While I wouldn't wish BPD on my worst enemy, I just really need understanding right now. 

[Nina of the Light]

Biancaaa,

Hi. I understand and can relate. Everyone's BPD journey is different. It is very personal and subjective. For me, it was all about understanding BPD and how I personally manifested it. I have intense abandonment issues, trust issues and problems with intimacy. How those issues manifested ranged from freak outs, to withdrawal to drug/alcohol abuse, etc. Figuring that out for me was key to changing the way I dealt with my issues. I have come a long way in my journey. It certainly isn't over for me. I don't anticipate it ever being completely over, but I live a very happy, solid life now. One that I am proud of. I'm here if you need a friend.

Wishing you all the best.

Nina.