zenry1213 Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 hi just joined. back in febuary i was diagnosed wih persistant depresive disorder and BPD. however dispite the cocktail of drugs [ i take ten a day ] im still a complete and utter unpredictable ball of mess. its now being suggested i have avoidant PD along side my other diagnosis. im just wondering if anyone here has all this crap together? thanks xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 Hi, welcome to the site. I have avoidant personality disorder along with traits of bpd. The psychiatrist also thinks I have ocpd- I have no idea where she got that from! She was shocked when I told her I wasn't an obsessive cleaner. I clean because it has to be done but with the greatest reluctance because I'd rather be doing something more fun! It is very confusing sometimes and hard to make sense of diagnoses, it feels odd to be several things at once, odd to have traits of something but not actually have it. The thing is that we are all individuals with different experiences, different problems, different traits. They can't fit us into one box by giving us one label so they just stick the main one on us and add 'with traits of...' it's the best they can do. Psychology is a science so they want to do it scientifically where everything is exact but people aren't exact. They won't give me drugs, I do have a cocktail for my physical problems but the only thing I take for mh problems is an anti-depressant which is also used to treat chronic pain, which is one of my physical problems! And yes, I'm an unpredictable ball of mess too. I'd like to think there is a cocktail out there for each of us that actually works but first we need someone to find it for us. This probably isn't much help but you are so not alone in feeling like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenry1213 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 thanks for the welcome. ive got an urgent appointment next week thanks to my amazing suportive gp who hounded the CMHT for a while. already anxious about that so thats going to be fun. i see other individuals with my illness and think thats not me at all and then see others and think thats me all over! i just dont see how life was ok a year ago and now it couldnt be any more of a mess. my husband left his job to keep me slightly stable but and hes incrediable but im so tired of feeling like a burden on him. i just want to make him and everyone happy but how can i do this when i dont even know what im doing. sorry for the pointless rant just feeling really down and empty this evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 It's not pointless, that's what this site is here for, to tell us how you're feeling. I only wish I could be more helpful Most of the people on here have bpd and that's how I came to think I might have it, because I identified with them so strongly and thought 'yes, this person is like me' but of course there are other people on here with bpd that I don't identify with so much because we are all different. I'm sure our personalities vary just as much as the personalities of people without a condition at all. Getting the appt must produce such mixed feelings, it's what you need and what you've been fighting for (and you've done so well to convince your GP of what you need) but at the same time it's so scary. Your GP seems amazing- it sounds like they've done all the right things but of course it's scary now because you're going to meet someone new now. Is there any way your husband could go with you? I think a lot of people in your position would feel like a burden and I know your feelings aren't just going to change because of something I say, if only it was that easy to get rid of all our negative thoughts! But he made the choice to leave his job to keep you stable, he could so easily have decided that was impossible but he made the choice because making you as stable as possible is the most important thing in the world to him- because you're the most important person in the world. You are doing your best to make yourself and other people happy. You went to your GP and you pushed for a referral, that probably took a lot of strength but you found it and used it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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