budgie Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 *Great Big Sigh* It started off as a bad day...and then descended more n more into that familiar pitless darkness..... If a very long timed relationship that had been tested and broken. and now is trying to be on the mend, But still you go searching elsewhere because your abandonement issues gripe you...but you find NOTHING just more and more let downs... but you just cant get back to the previous one, coz he had walked out... broken a bond....*SIGH* yes, u forgave, but u could not forget. Do u know this pain? Of living between letting go and not being able to? Do you know this suffering? *SOB* Do you understand living on the line between OD and suicide? No I WONT suicide, NEVER, NO NO NO. I am depressed, oh, so depressed. What triggered? A continued realisation that men are all such failures! You give, u cared but what is all these to them? *Tears Why am I always like that? Why do I always go on searching for something that doesnt exisit in this world? Truth. Love. Its only in the movies. Yes they are friendships. Especially with the womenfolk. But the heart is made for more???? I feel that I need so MUCH love that I could die... I hurt. I hurt giving, and not receiving................ HURTING>>>> :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 i know some of the pain but not all of it sorry u feel so bad bet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladylazurus27 Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 You are in a tough place Bugie, it's probably not even appropriate to use the word "tough", but i feel lot of what you feel too. The only way out of your suffering is acerptance. so, accept reality and that most of us don't have a life like the ones in the movies. Everyone has things in their life they can be thankful for and love, and no one else has them but you. i dont really know what else to say, but work on accepting. take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 (((((budgie))))) im sorry you're having such a tough time at the moment... and i dont really know what to say! but thinking of you and hope it gets better take care xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 (((((BUDGIE))))) You gotta hold on with me. We're both going to make it through. No, it's not easy, but we're strong enough to get through this. You're my hero, Budg! I love you tons, and we'll be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 Budgie, I think Ladylazurus is right on target. I am learning that I can't change the bad stuff, but even though it's the bad stuff that brings us here, there is good stuff too. There has to be, or else we wouldn't work as hard as we do to stay alive. Accept the bad feelings, but don't act on them. You can't avoid the pain no matter how hard you try, but you don't have to succumb to it either. -Love You- Verbena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted August 13, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 Thank you all. I know it is such a futile search...and yet i keep on searching, for taht unfailing person...who will never exists, the more i search, the more empty i become, the more disillusioned, the more depressed. For in the throes of depression, pain and emptiness reign. But I will over come, with all your support. Budgie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 people are just that... people... you know the only unfailing one... he's not available for a physical relationship (just a joke not meant to offend). everyone has strengths and weakness... yes even the normies that we seek to connect with... no one can be the be all and end all most of what we need is already inside us if we could just move all the luggage off of it! still dont give up on having someone if that is what you want... maybe relax and dont push it.. things like that have a way of happening independent of whatever you try to do or what you think *hugs* bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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