Betsy Posted August 14, 2004 Report Share Posted August 14, 2004 How can a person be totally competent, respected, professional, and sucessful in their work life and be totally a mess personally. It is like two different people running the same body around.. and no i do not have alters. In my work, with people with disabilities, i am called in to trouble shoot problems, to help with difficult behaviors and to try to figure out the essence of what is keeping the person from being sucessful. It is really hard to believe isnt it... me, how can i do that? My friends all come to me with their problems. I help them to discover a course of action to help alieveate their pain or resolve their problems. They don't always follow my advice but they generally go away feeling better. My family does the same thing... my possition in my family is that of councellor and "rock", boy can u blieve that?! So why can't I manage my own feelings, why can't I give my ownself advice and assess my own problems. I obviously possess these abilities but when it comes to me I am a total idiot. Where does it all go? Isn't it a real part of me that I should be able to utilize? And what is with the people that trust me... can't they tell what a mess I am. Okay, only the people really close to me are allowed to see that, but even those people still come to me. I don't understand it. thx for letting me ramble. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobodysangel19 Posted August 14, 2004 Report Share Posted August 14, 2004 i am completely with you on that, bets... everything you said is the same for me... rena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dove Posted August 14, 2004 Report Share Posted August 14, 2004 Maybe its because you don't have anything to lose with offering advice to loved ones or work contacts. I mean, yeah it sucks to give out bad advice (not saying you do, heck I'm one of the ppl that comes to you) but you wouldn't personally be THAT affected by it. When it comes to managing your own problems, you second guess yourself and if you mess up, its your life thats at stake. I don't know if that made any sense at all, but I tried. Maybe I should become well versed in your problems and then present them as my own, then give your advice right back to you lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 14, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2004 Quit messing with my head Dove... it's no challenge! Bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted August 15, 2004 Report Share Posted August 15, 2004 Bets, you described me to a T. But then you know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted August 15, 2004 Report Share Posted August 15, 2004 Bets, I love you tons. You are very easy to talk to and very, very helpful. I don't understand, but I feel the same way. I am the one people come to with their problems a lot. I listen and give pretty good advice most of the time. But you know how messed up I am... Maybe it's just that we know how to relate to other people and their emotions, but at the same time ours are a mystery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buoyantcat Posted August 15, 2004 Report Share Posted August 15, 2004 The same thing happens to me too. Usually, I'm counseling people on their really stupid problems which shouldn't really matter....but...oh well...I'm usually there to help them. I just can't get a grip with myself, that's the problem. Betsy, I think you are a natural helper. You've helped me out a lot on here. We could all probably use helping out other people to help ourselves heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 15, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2004 buoy, you may have hit onto exactly why i am feeling better... not that blackness wont return but thinking outward really does help. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted August 15, 2004 Report Share Posted August 15, 2004 I have to tell you all that I've actually noticed this trait in the majority of your postings. One post, you painfully describe your struggles and doubts, and in the next, you post a response to someone struggling and you are so supportive and wonderful advice and it blows my mind how intuitive you all are to other's needs. While I was reading this, my husband came to mind... he has not been diagnosed with BPD and prob. will not be. He gives wonderful advice to his friends. He's a wonderful, intellectual, trustworthy counselor that they all go to for advice. He's counseled several friends about staying in their marriage and not giving up - yet, as you know, he's working towards a divorce with me. He even said to me once, he can give great advice and knows what is right, but can't take it. Love you guys! Hey, I gotta question for you guys.... my 12 yr. old daughter has a 12 yr. old friend that is cutting. She noticed cuts on her wrists and the friend passed it off as her dog's scratches. She was concerned enough to tell me about it.... I need advice, info - what to say to her parents, how to approach them.... help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noname Posted August 16, 2004 Report Share Posted August 16, 2004 Bets you described me!!! Lanie: as a teenager who si, I would advise you to talk to the kid before you talk to her parents, trust me I have been through this with my parents and it would have been a hell of a lot easier if somebody would've stopped to ask my opinion. Hope this helps you, Alex xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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