Documentary About Bpd

[lostsoul]

well i am gonna keep adding to the thread and keeping you all filled in with new ideas/plans/timescales/how it is progressing, so yeah, watch this space, and feel free to pm me anytime : )

thanks so much for your interest - it is heartening

x

[calyps]

LOSTY- I'm IN.

Plus my friend who has just finished her degree in camera and film is moving to london in 2 weeks. Funnily enough, most of the people on her course have moved there also.

We could do this.

[Life is sweet]

Sounds like a good idea. I don't think I would have enough guts to do it, just of what everyone would think. I'm young, I'm allowed that still...:-D

But, how will I be able to watch it in the US? :(

[Barebones]

here is another thought lost what about if we came off our meds? lol im sure you get more of a bpd episode hehe

remeber meds do cover and help in some cases well it does with me. im not so impulsive,cutting,moods swings,want to die to often,i still hate alot. but i do have the black and white thinking still.. which i think has to be learned to see the grey hmm.. your making me think now..

i would be in if my face and identity was out of it..but you never know with me i might be spontanious enough to over come shyness but i can never tell though.

so keep talking lost

[CathE]

blah. i want in. but wot can i do from oz?? wat if i film me and send u footage? hmmmm can do a video diary or sumthin.

Cath. x

[xoomer]

Count me in, I'll buy my ticket it could be A BPD visits From another Country...

Anyone Got a couch?>

-x

[lostsoul]

hi gang

ok lots to reply to here....

calyps - that is uncanny isn't it! does this person have their own equipment, or would we still need to purchase, and are they keen to be involved? are they reliable etc? i don't think we need this to be a big operation - one camerman/woman is enough. also, most docus take up to a year to make, some longer than that, so it would be a fair commitment they would be making, and without funding, it would be unpaid, at least initially. if we get it sold then ok, we pay them, but what if we don't get it sold? would they work under those conditions?

has this person any experience of securing funding for such projects? we would have more chance getting funding if they were on board as a technical person, as they have actual tech. qualifications. that looks good.

these are the questions i have about using this person.

as for you being 'in', do you mean filmed 'in', or 'on board' to help make it? i would be happy to have you on board either way mate to be honest cos you know i love and respect you shitloads : )

velveteen - hiya hon. i don't know - it's not even made yet lol! but if it does get made i'm sure we can send you a video of it!

barebones - i was considering similar things last night while i was researching bpd on the net. i came across an article about the biological role in bpd and the pharmacology used to treat it. one of the ideas i had was to get a couple of people brainscanned with MRI to see if they indeed showed signs of this 'altered brain' - ie some parts smaller than in normal people. where meds comes in perhaps is to document one person's journey fom diagnosis to being on meds, tracking how it helps / doesn't help, or perhaps interviewing people about the different meds they have been on and their experiences with them. i am not sure it is very ethical to remove medication from someone to show the effects of this - ie - self harm and suicidality. i don't think anyone could justify that - especially when you can just say, "this is what i would be like if i was not on meds"...

i will keep talking though mate and you keep thinking about it!

cath - yes we could perhaps work out a video diary but i have no idea how we would get a camera of sufficient quality to you... will have to think about that. may not be possible hon.... we'll see.

xoomer - yeah i got a couch. cath take note! it could only be an interview though xoomer as if you fly in you would be lacking a home environment in which to film you.

guys - thank you so much for your interest.

i did shitloads of research last night and have ideas coming out of my ears lol

i am gonna write out a plan today and tomorrow and figure out how all this works.

keep posting! love, lostypoo xx

[Swan]

Lost!!!!!!!!

What is happening with this brilliant idea!? and why are there no posts after 14th September?

Please tell me you are still interested in doing this - I am certain it can happen

If yes, then I'll gather up the threads of my mind (unravelled as it is ) and try and come up with some ideas and contacts - you MUST do this it is totally you. Don't give up on it, please. just do a bit at a time, but don't let it go.

[pass_the_prozac]

Lost,

I have a very current MRI image on file at my hosp here in minnesota. contact me if ur interested. not much to see lol! just kidding! I thought It was better that I made that comment before anyone else did.

Brent

[pass_the_prozac]

Lost,

I have a great idea, I'll have someone follow me while I'm working and you'll see a real out of control person with bpd. I'm a friggin madman when anything little thing goes wrong. i worked for fifteen minutes today and lost it when I ruined a door I spent three hours on painting. I gathered myself together and went back to work and fucked up a second door and that was it for the day. My life just ended as far as I was concerned. I get paid by the hour and it should make no relatively difference to me but I still went over the edge. I'd say that was black and white thinking. I couldn't do any more work today so I'm sitting here drinking beer to medicate now. I'm about the same way on my computer. Maybe if I could find an attractive woman in her twenties willing to donate her time in the name of science to just follow me around.........

[calyps]

Hey Mate, I'm 'in' in any capacity you see fit to put me.

As for my friend- she and about 20 of her course mates have moved to London. i'm not sure if she has equipment or not or whether she can get her hands on some. She's been asked to do camera for another person's documentary- she's been doing this for the last few years and never gets paid, she does it for the experience. i reckon she'd be a wealth of knowledge and i can't think of any reason she would say no. I have to make contact with her and talk it over.

[lostsoul]

hi pass

i need some prozac. you help me i'll help you lol.

no but seriously, what did the mri show? (apart from a big empty head lol)... oooooh - were there hundreds of lesions. why did you have it done? intriguing.....

to all other posters - yeah i am still gonna do it, but i'm kinda struggling right now with being mental. i need to get my feet back under me before i can progress. shouldn't be too long - that's the good thing (if there is one) about rapid cycling.

calyps i aint forgotten you or your docu mates. sounds very promising doesn't it?! if she wants experience more than money then she's my girl.

swan - ditto as above really. if you would like to contribute you are more than welcome : )

x

[calyps]

She's a cool kid who has experienced more than her fair share of borderline behaviour/time in A & E with me. I think she would be 'in'.

[lostsoul]

oh ok so she actually has experience of what we are like. that's good, cos then she will likely not be too freaked out by anything she witnesses.

have you got an emial (emial?!lol) address i could ontact (ontact!? oh for christ's sake) her on by any chance and would she or you mind if i did contact her?

x

[calyps]

she was on email but it was really crap and she never got any mails. I can text her but she only moved just over a week ago (with her partner and their daughter) so i want to give them a chance to get settled before i start hassling. I still reckon she'd be up for it though. Bless her, the poor chick, for what i have put her through...

[lostsoul]

ok that's absolutely fine. there is no rush anyway as i move with glacial slowness

x

[bored-a-line]

hello stranger

my friend has final cut pro (or whatever they use to edit films) on her lap top. i could ask if she could lend it you. or even help, her ex boyf wants to be a documentary maker too

[Lauren]

MRI scans,some really fasinating stuff with regards to those about.

In the states they have the ability to do amazing ones.(goes deeper or something,sorry chick, not on a sane wave length) That actualy show real and clear abnormalilitys in those with a wide range of mental health conditions including bpd.

Would love to be involved im what ever way, though filmin me may be kind of a screw up because I dont really know wat causes what.xxx

[lostsoul]

hi bored

that could well come in handy. how the hell are you anyway though?

i won't say what i say to everyone about meaning to call and then not doing it for some nebulous non existent reason, cos it's boring and shit. i think maybe i am just an insecure unsociable bastard. will that do? it's not that i don't think of you. i hope you are ok. i also won't say i will call soon, because that's probably a lie. hopefully, this reverse psychology will work a treat and we will be speaking later today. but don't count on it, as i have already seen my own plot device and there is a growing instinct to rebel...

i must add that i am disappointed in myself and sorry for being such a shit person

oh god i'm just gonna go cos it's all just trash today. xx

loz - ok. ok to anyone basically.

i'm sorry. i'm so frikkin depressed again.

[pass_the_prozac]

"I need some prozac. you help me i'll help you lol.

no but seriously, what did the mri show? (apart from a big empty head lol)... oooooh - were there hundreds of lesions. why did you have it done? intriguing....."

Lost, haha you are funny! I like you. I had it done b/c I was experiencing a whole host of neurological problems i.e. tremmors, heart rate, skin crawling & feeling like needles poking, you get the idea anyways I didn't get to see the "pictures" so I dunno, they said there was nothing abnormal enough to cause the neuro problems but they did mention something about white matter whatever the hell that is. This was about a year and a half ago, long before I was diagnosed with bipolar and bpd, not to mention they weren't looking for things that caused psych problems or were the result of them. I would have to have the scan re-evaluated or something to look for the typical signs of mental illness. I think mri's are series of immages as if the brain was sliced like bread so I would suppose there is a whole series of immages to look through. I'm guessing the information is stored digitally where you have to have ungodly expensive software to read it. I'll check into what would be necessary to look at the immages again, I'm curious just for my own sake if anything. I'll keep you informed if I make any progress.

[Lauren]

Not me personaly.

Will try and dig out the research though when I try and salvage stuff from my old PC later today.

[lostsoul]

hi pass

actually i think they are stored on film. well mine were anyway. they didn't scan the brain though, just my back. hey it's actually a pretty funny story. i thought i had this back/heart problem for like seven years cos i kept getting these pains. and i had all these really expensive investigations carried out so i was like a lab rat for that whole time. anyway they didn't find anything and later on i discovered that the pains i was getting was just from trapped wind lol. omg pmsl. so all that time i could have just taken antacids or whatever. sheeeet. that is funny. but probably not for my parents who had to pay for it all. what gets me is that it should have been fairly obvious that i was a mental (though to his credit, one doctor dude i saw did in fact mention to my father that he thought i was a little unhinged - i tried to get him fired for this, of course - proof if any were needed that he was right: aka major histrionics) shit i lose my thread. that was a long side story plus a meandering bracket. errrrrrm. yeah, back scans. they gave em to me on film. that was my point? shit dude. sorry! oh no my actual point was that they should have mri'd my brain. then they would have found something wrong, for sure.

x

[pass_the_prozac]

Lost,

You're a real hoot. I'm glad I'm not the only one who carries on like that, if I wasn't such a piss-poor typist I would do it all the time online. lol! I like the "unhinged" terminology. Thanks for the story and insight, it was enjoyable.

OK so I called my hospital today and can get copies for $8.25 each X ten copies so $82.50 for a second set. And yes they are in the same format as x-ray prints, your observation was correct. It should be some good stuff if I have the "lesions" you spoke of, I'm assuming the images are very revealing as the mri machine is so friggin expensive there is only a few in the state and they tote ours around in my region from major hospital to major hospital hospital in a custom 40' trailer. I had to get special authorization to get my insurance to pay for it. So back to the prints, I can get the originals on loan if I return them. I told the hospital it was for a documentary and the young woman on the phone was rather stunned, I hope they don't think I'm going to file some sort of malpractice lawsuit. I will look into having them examined by a professional although I will re-research initially myself to see if there are any obvious abnormalities like I have seen in other mri scans. I'm going to look into what it would take for a neurology research facility working on mental health issues to compare them. Maybe I can get my insurance hoodwinked into paying for that as well. hee hee! Maybe my psychiatrist will tell the insurance company it is necessary for my diagnosis. Maybe the research facility will do it for nothing, idunno. Either way, however it gets done, I'm thinking commentary or observations on it would have to be done by an accredited individual or institution to be used in a documentary.

On another note, have you started a production company of some sort yet? If not, it doesn't have to be anything big and expensive anybody can start a company with a little time. I would think it necessary for a project like this. In the states we can open a LLC or limited liability corporation for next to nothing. What that is is a company where no matter how bad the company does it can never be liable for more than what was invested in it, a safety net of sorts that hopefully will never have to be used. I was thinking you would have to have an entity with some official standing for organizations like BBC or any others you are dealing with to take it seriously. I would assume a research facility would be more than happy to comment on mri scans if it was going to get their name mentioned in a documentary. Those places feed on exposure, winding up in a televised documentary would be music to the ears of the institution when the investors start lining up. OK I'm getting the cart ahead of the horse but you know what I'm getting at-if everything looks legitimate, research facilities would be more inclined to participate in an official manner. Just my thoughts.

I will be getting my mri scans next week so I'll let you know of any developments. I don't even know yet if I show damage you would be interested in having in a documentary. If I do I am willing to have it documented and sent to you but in the meantime I'll just check on what I do have to offer you.

[lostsoul]

hey pass - that's a pretty good idea you have suggested there. my father owned his own company for several years, which was limited liability (ltd in uk). he was peddling this new product for driveways called terrastone. it let the water through it so you wouldn't get puddles. anyway, the whole thing rested on the right mix of apoxyresin and this other gluey stuff, and one time he got it wrong, and within about a month, this person's drive wasn't so much solid as it was shingle. so just as well he was ltd, cos they ended up trying to sue him lol and he had to declare bankruptcy. hahahahaha. i love that dude. his other company was ltd too but nobody ever tried to sue him there i don't think.

that's just reminded me - i remember as a kid we would go and stalk around outside people's houses because lots of people didn't pay him and so he would go and take pictures of where they lived and send them to the customer with like, a note attached saying, "i know where you live", which was a bit pants i suppose because they already knew he knew where they lived and a post-it note isn't exactly intimidating. that's probably why it never worked.

bless him.

i will give that some thought pass. i am really working on getting funding from channel 4. i think that it is the easiest and most professional way of handling it all because you get people who really know their stuff and it's just proper.

[pass_the_prozac]

Yeah, post it notes aren't very motivating. I would suggest sending some big, burly, thugs with black leather jackets and smelling of alcohol to knock on the door next time. lol!

Like I said, I'll keep you posted on the images.