Betsy Posted August 19, 2004 Report Share Posted August 19, 2004 Hey Baby Girl... I said i'd post to you and here it is! Let me start out with this quotation: Friends broaden our horizons. They serve as new models with whom we can identify. They allow us to be ourselves—and accept us that way. They enhance our self-esteem because they think we’re okay, because we matter to them. And because they matter to us—for various reasons, at various levels of intensity—they enrich the quality of our emotional life. ATTRIBUTION: Judith Viorst (20th century), U.S. novelist and poet. Necessary Losses, ch. 12 you are just starting your life and friends are super important right now... of course they always are. But all people are not friends... there are certain criteria friends should meet. they can be aquaintances, people that you help, people that you know or human beings. But all are not friends. Your friends treat you with respect and dignity because they value you... not for anything you have done or said... but just because you are you and no one else is like you. If people havent enriched your life... maybe it is because they really arent friends. I said I'd let you in on a secret about co-dependency. Okay here is my take on it. When you are in a relationship each person brings something to the relationship and that is what forms it. When you are co-dependent you are usually supporting negative aspects of each other. maybe it is for survival, maybe it is out of desparation, maybe it is because you dont know any better... but it is usually a negative thing. an example of this would be.. a wife that stays with her husband that beats her... now she knows it is wrong and a bad habit but she allows it because she doesnt feel like she deserves any better treatment. he is dependent on her for someone to beat and she is dependent on him for someone to validate her feelings of worthlessness. they are both full filling a need but neither is getting anything healthy out of the relationship... Most of the people on this site come from bad childhoods that have formed and shaped us into what we are today. most of us dont like what we are today and recognize that there is a better person inside of us... a person that deserves to be treated better, to be worthy, to be loved, and to have good healthy relationships. Because of our beginings it is hard for us to become the person we want to be... we just keep going forward inches at a time (someday we will actually get there)! Until we give up the negative co-dependent behavior that says "we need to be needed at all cost to ourselves" we wont achieve the results we want. Therefore we have to consiously set boundries, think about them, write them down, and let the people that would abuse and take advantage of us know what they are... until we do that we wont be really connecting with friends or lovers... we will be giving ourselves away too cheaply under the guise of "being needed". We also do a disservice to the people we are trying to form relationships with... we dont give them the opportunity to be a true friend and experience true friendship through our return to them. Baby Girl... this is only how I see it... my speel on friends... how to be one and how to make one. i hope i havent confused you more that you already are. i hope your other friends on this site will let you know what they think... even if they disagree with me (that's okay.. they will still be my friends) I want so much for you to learn to respect yourself and care for your own needs! its tough..... bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buoyantcat Posted August 19, 2004 Report Share Posted August 19, 2004 Wow. Thanks, Betsy. I know you didn't write this to me; however, you have helped me understand friendships better. You've really put things into perspective, and made me think. Thank you. Also, that quote was inspiring. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted August 19, 2004 Report Share Posted August 19, 2004 —they enrich the quality of our emotional life. That really says so much to me. Thanks for everything you do Bets. Thanks for getting out of bed this morning, for checking on us, for coming back over and over and over and always having more to give. You rock. Verbena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Precious Posted August 19, 2004 Report Share Posted August 19, 2004 thanks bets. that means so much to me... YOU mean so much to me... YOU ALL do.. and i wanna thank you bets... your very sweet... <3 ash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladylazurus27 Posted August 19, 2004 Report Share Posted August 19, 2004 Oh Betsy, you have such an art for articulating..it's beautiful. I don't know what we would do without you, you're an inspiration. thank you ~kristy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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