Do Borderlines Get Into Crazy Relationships?

[Starr]

Only ever had fucked up relationships with just about everyone.

So its a flaw on my part but im buggerd if I know what it is.

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me too hun me too :(

[Starr]

Just stay away. from him, my x was the same way... it took me a long time to get over it, (maybe thats why i'm a board member?) she was abusive menataly and sexually. and If she came to me tommorrow, I would still probabaly go back...  but for your health just stay away..

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I try but its so hard because I think I miss that drama with him. Even though it was bad drama. Thats why I need to get away from this state. He will never leave, he is from here and his family is here. I know I need to work on my issues but with him always around I cant do that.

[Starr]

hello folks, I'm new to this site... just getting used to it...

if anyone would like to chat, feel free to say hi

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Hey I am too. How are you?

[Starr]

You know you guys really kick @ss. Can you cuss on here? Just curious cause othe places you cant.... Anyway

You all are so nice and welcoming. I feel like you all really can relate to me in a way that nobody else can.... Not in my RL for sure. My Mom thinks this is a bunch of bullshit.

I just want to say thanks for the warm welcome and all the posts you all have made to me

I am glad my friend got me here. Thanks hun :wub:

[budgie]

((((((((yeah! everyone here!))))))))))))))))

[Cactus]

fucked up relationships were the only thing i was good at.so made decision to stay celibate.

I tried to hard too get them to love me then spend rest of time trying to find ways of catching them out to prove they didnt love me.i had one fling when it was other way round and he done my bloody head in :sofa:

[moon]

the simple answer starr is that yes, we get into mental relationships

but let us turn our attention to what a mental relationship is exactly

in my opinion, all relationships have a side to them that is unhealthy or that could be deemed to be unhealthy, and they also have their good points. i think it is misleading to think we are experiencing something unique here - many many people, bpd and normal, get into bad relationships. we're complex creatures and will always have complicated lives, inc relationships

the other thing is that it takes two people to be in a relationship. it takes two people to need the drama, one to dish it out and one to take it lol

what's my point? sodded if i know. my advice would be, work on you first, then do a relationship.

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I really do need to work on me. I have never been without a bf. I have no idea who I am. I want to start a fresh new life. I actually want to move to another state and start all over. I know my problems will followe me but there is way too much here that is very unhealthy for me.. I am not from here anyway. And have hated it eversince I got here. You are so right about working on me first. I have been telling myself this for a while now.

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Hi everyone

So , you want to move to another state.Why would you do such a thing? Do you really believe that's a solution? I wonder maybe sometime you will plan to leave that state too.You will go around the world ???

My boyfriend, wich is also a bpd just told me he will leave the town FOREVER (when i asked him if this means he will leave me too, he just says "I WILL LEAVE EVERYTHING ...there's nothing left for me here" ).

Now i just wait and see this will be a fact or he is just in a "mood".

I also believe that you must work with yourself, after that you will be able to start and live a new life.If you dont't know who you are, you will not be capable to have a life...It's very hard to make changes inside you, but once you will start...you will see that the fight wasn't in vain.

[mrs tree]

I really do need to work on me. I have never been without a bf. I have no idea who I am. I want to start a fresh new life. I actually want to move to another state and start all over. I know my problems will followe me but there is way too much here that is very unhealthy for me.. I am not from here anyway. And have hated it eversince I got here. You are so right about working on me first. I have been telling myself this for a while now.

I was on my own for a long time and I never found out anything about myself and to be honest i have had more sucess since i have been in a relationship...I kinda have a safe place to come back to and be a wife so it feels safer to try things out...I still have problems knowing who I am and not sure i ever won't

My boyfriend, wich is also a bpd just told me he will leave the town FOREVER (when i asked him if this means he will leave me too, he just says "I WILL LEAVE EVERYTHING ...there's nothing left for me here" ).

Now i just wait and see this will be a fact or he is just in a "mood".

I do think this is a BPD thing i get feelings that I want to run away from everything and have done it in drematic ways the problem is my behaviour is much more dangerous when I runaway rather than run to something different...not sure this is any help to you

Mrs Tree

[carmelina]

I find that a lot of the time, when I'm trying to start a drama with my partner it's because I have all of these overwhelming feelings inside me and I need to express them somehow. With BPD it's hard to validate your emotions so we express them in pretty unhealthy ways. I don't know how to stop myself doing it though, but I hope this helps give you some insight maybe into why. I hope you find happiness soon, take care, Sarah X

[lauren18808]

I've been in a very abusive relationship, which got to extreme point at which I begged to be abused.

I got into the relationship, which scares me, but I also got myself out. I sometimes think of it as a nescary evil, like a vaccination, I still get infected by the urge, but I can now fight it when I couldnt before.

In short, I don't know what the hell I'm on about.

xx

[chloeJ1980]

although he isnt my bf anymore i still talk to an ex online, i thought everything was ok with him now with me being married and all but all he ever wants to do is flirt outragiously and when i say i'm uncomfortable with the crude sexual nature of his comments he stops talking to me. I logged on to talk to him and he said he was "just failry uninterested" in me today cos i dont flirt enough.

I used to act really flirty and sexy with him when we were dating and i guess its my fault he expected that to carry on, but now that i have recognised this as a symptom of bpd i dont act promiscuously, i would never cheat on my husband.

But when i'm really lonely i'll talk to him, just cos i have noone else, i lower myself to his level just so i have to sit here lonely. He is such a shit, he totally uses it to his advantage!

[Starr]

I find that a lot of the time, when I'm trying to start a drama with my partner it's because I have all of these overwhelming feelings inside me and I need to express them somehow. With BPD it's hard to validate your emotions so we express them in pretty unhealthy ways. I don't know how to stop myself doing it though, but I hope this helps give you some insight maybe into why. I hope you find happiness soon, take care, Sarah X

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yeah when I lash out or what I call when I go nuts with rage I can hear myself saying dont do this go in the bedroom. Anything to make myself shut up. But I cant stop and I dont know why. And then I always feel like crap after Ive went nuts on my bf. And he is so totally understanding he just sits there and takes it. I feel so bad but I dont know how to stop. :(

[Starr]

hi everyone ,

im new here , i just had to had to reply to this post as i can relate so much .

without going into lots of details i can recommend a fantastic book which i know for a fact will help you to understand your problems , its 'Women who love too much ', by Robin Norwood .

I'll write out a short bit of what its about ,

'Is having somebody to love the most important thing in your life ? Do you constantly believe that with the 'right man' you would no longer feel depressed or lonley? Are you bored with 'nice guys' who are open , honest and , dependable ?'

If being in love means being in pain then this book is for you .

I hope this helps , my copy is falling to bits , i have read it that many times and each time i do i learn something else and see it from a different perspective . Im still hanging in there , just recently come out of another doomed relationship , which ended with abuse and misery . These relationships can be powerfully addictive, most especially for people with personality / mental health problems, and the cycle continues . Well thats enough from me , time to read my book again i think , maybe i can act on it next time !

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My sister just sent me that book. My problem is I hate reading. I have another one called I hate you dont leave me or something like that.

[Starr]

I've been in a very abusive relationship, which got to extreme point at which I begged to be abused.

I got into the relationship, which scares me, but I also got myself out. I sometimes think of it as a nescary evil, like a vaccination, I still get infected by the urge, but I can now fight it when I couldnt before.

In short, I don't know what the hell I'm on about.

xx

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I think I got in an abusive relationship because I didnt know any better. I grew up in an abusive household. My stepdad abused me and my Mom did mentally and my real dad did mentally and Im pretty sure sexually. So I pretty much got it from all around me. It was always havoc, fear and drama at home. So when I got with my ex I guess I just thought it was normal. I didnt even know I was being abused till I came across a website about abuse and I flipped out. I couldnt believe it. Of course I was in denial. Im so glad you got out of it. It took me 5 years and Im still trying to.

Hes been trying to get me back for months. I changed my phone number, so the good thing is he cant call me anymore. I am so much better with no contact. But I also think I liked being abused. Like I felt like I deserved it or something. The guy I am with now are totally the opposite and Im very bored. It drives me nuts. I can see myself causing problems just to make some kind of drama because I cant deal with it. Its sick. You would think I would like the peace and not being afraid all of the time. Not walking on egg shells but its not that way. Its horrible. I feel horrible, confused, and crazy at the same time. :blink:

[Starr]

although he isnt my bf anymore i still talk to an ex online, i thought everything was ok with him now with me being married and all but all he ever wants to do is flirt outragiously and when i say i'm uncomfortable with the crude sexual nature of his comments he stops talking to me. I logged on to talk to him and he said he was "just failry uninterested" in me today cos i dont flirt enough.

I used to act really flirty and sexy with him when we were dating and i guess its my fault he expected that to carry on, but now that i have recognised this as a symptom of bpd i dont act promiscuously, i would never cheat on my husband.

But when i'm really lonely i'll talk to him, just cos i have noone else, i lower myself to his level just so i have to sit here lonely. He is such a shit, he totally uses it to his advantage!

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Stay away from him hun... You are right. He is a shit. You dont need that crap.